Music: "Home" - Above and Beyond
12:30a
I've started several of these over the past six months, only to stop halfway through, promise I'll come back to it later, but never do. So what else is there to do now but write: things have changed so much over the past year, and time is never on my side. Solution? Make time, or in my case, kill some time to get rid of the boredom, or hope I get tired enough to actually go to bed.
I've been awake since 2:30 a.m. yesterday, 24 hours. It's Sunday night, and I should have been dead hours ago after another long work week(end), but I'm not the least bit tired. I've been fighting off a severe allergy attack since last Saturday, and add that with the fun (hell) of being a female, and my body is seriously out of whack. So here I sit, in the quiet of the apartment, going crazy, late at night, wishing a magic fairy would come down from wherever and grant me my voice back. First day in over a week that I actually feel better, back to normal, and I get laryngitis. How's this a fair trade? Singers suffer a lot more I think, and believe me, I'm feeling it. I can feel how inflamed my vocal chords are, and it hurts to so much as swallow. I've downed a half bottle of honey since I've been home, because that's all my cheap ass has in this house. People at work asking me if I was okay, not being able to scream at people or flag down lift drivers at the top of my lungs when others are scared to so much as shout. It's fun and I love having a big set of lungs, more fun when I see people's reactions who aren't used to it. I'm a Libra so socializing comes naturally, though I'm still shy at times, so this, simply put, sucks. Telling me to shut my mouth is like telling a tornado to stop trashing a mobile home park. Impossible.
Backing up a bit (or a lot), last year was great. I saw Alabama again, visited a new city and saw Atlanta for the first time that I actually remember. Bought myself a brand new car (Nissan Sentra) that I am head over heels in love with (thanks, Alabama trip, and Enterprise for switching rentals on me 10 hours before I was due to leave for Birmingham..I could be driving a Toyota right now *gasp*). She is now my prized possession and I am a happy, happy owner. My little Chevy Cobalt went on to Chevy Retirement in Florida (I'm kidding, I traded her in and she went wherever still-in-great-condition-vehicles go). During the summer, my sister rescued the sweetest little dog from the complex she was working at, and my parents (and I) adopted her. She's a Maltipoo named Mandy. While we were working at getting her acclimated and used to having a dog again, my dad suddenly was admitted into a hospital and had to have surgery. In the midst of all this, I finally got my braces off (on to retainers, same setup), and put in an application for and got approved for an apartment. Two months later, I was moved in and unprepared for the holidays. A week before Christmas, John moved in with me. We'd had it planned for a while. I can't do the alone thing, and that's partly why I've been so depressed this week, besides being sick.
John recently got a new job where he is constantly on the road, and lo and behold, he happened to be gone when I got sick this week. I spent my week inside, too sick to do anything, too tired to do anything (although I did keep myself fed). No one to take care of me or force me to take medicine ( I can be stubborn), or make me food. I had no one to really talk to because I couldn't speak (sore throat), and if I wanted to have company to take away some of the loneliness, how could I live with myself if I got them sick? So I became depressed and actually wanted to go back to work. How well that worked out: I called in on Friday, worked my ass off on Saturday, and lost my voice today. I come home and get even more depressed because I can't speak above a whisper and don't want to be alone. It's storming outside, I'm a wreck, and no one to really talk to or can talk to, literally. I'll be spending Memorial Day alone, unless I get to feeling better and can actually get out of the house. Like I said, I hate being alone, and for too long, and it's been two weeks. I'm so used to being surrounded by people and noise, that living on my own really is different. Too quiet. Not used to the quiet. Won't ever be used to the quiet. Quiet is not for me. Being alone is not for me. I can't wait for John to come home for a couple of days, and hopefully I'll be able to talk!
24 hours. My throat hurts from coughing and overuse. I give up. I'm going to bed. Happy Memorial Day and hopefully you don't have to spend it sick like me.
