Goodbye 2013. 2014, you are looking good.

Music: Stowers & Young- "The Second Coming"
4:50p

Once again, I find my way back here after yet another short hiatus. I knew I'd come back, when the time was right. 

Another year gone. 2013, looking back, was awesome compared to last year. This time last year, I was finally getting the hang of being a hauler, was about to start looking for apartments, and John had just recently gotten back in contact with me. A year later, some things have changed, and others, well, just had to be put on the back burner. 

I spent a good deal of October and some of November working overtime during the week. I didn't want it, though; I didn't care for it. But maybe I should have, as it would have meant more money for Christmas, not to mention some to put away for an apartment. But after the first two time of being stuck on the machine counting slots for 10 hours every night, I decided I had better things to do than count all night. So I worked my mandatory when I was told (what? not like we ever get 'asked' to do such things), and nothing more. Got my first taste of 1st shift, and left with a sour and bitter taste on my tongue. Yuck. I am loving my home on 4th shift all the more. People are much better, and they actually know how to do their jobs (for the most part). 

Thanksgiving was nice, and John even made a brief appearance that weekend, before heading back to Oklahoma. His stay was very short-only a couple of days-but I was very happy he made the trip down to Crosby to see me before leaving again. 

Things are still great between us. We're getting closer than ever. While I'm still unsure what I did to deserve such a great guy, I'm still very blessed and thankful God put him in my life. He takes care of me, even when I don't think I need to be taken care of. He knows he doesn't have to buy me things to make me happy, but gives out of love. His presence alone does more for me than anything else. Having him gone all this time just put us closer than ever before...and I can't wait for him to finally come home.

Once December rolled around, I stayed busy during the week. Shopping, taking care of things around the house, running errands and seeing friends. I was anxious for Christmas, just because I couldn't believe it was here once again, plus wondering if John would be able to come home for the holiday. I kept myself busy on my days off, and spent my nights talking to him and swapping info on the game (it's Wartune, go check it out, it's fun to play). Once the Christmas decorations and tree were set up, I got more and more excited. I didn't want anything as far as gifts were concerned. What do you ask for when you have everything? So I simply said to my parents, stuff for my new apartment. Help a newly on-her-own girl out! 

The weekend before Christmas, I got the best present ever; John was finally coming home.

I got off work Sunday night, ecstatic beyond belief. Monday, John spent the entire day on the road. He made it home around 10:30 that night, and 30 minutes later, after I battled holiday traffic, we were together again. I spent the night, and my entire Christmas Eve with him. Our first holiday together! He gave me a few of his gifts upon arriving at his place: a massive Resse's peanut butter cup (I love Resse's), a Maximum Destruction die-cast (going to get it signed this January when I go to Monster Jam), and a blanket that he made me himself (with help, he admitted sheepishly), because I'm always cold when I'm at his place, and therefore stealing his blankets. It now has a permanent spot on my bed. :) That night, we spent Christmas Eve with my parents, and I gave him his presents: a picture of us Heather took on my birthday, a book to read while on the job, hand warmers for when he has to be out in the cold, and a new jacket (didn't fit, and couldn't find another one...I was really disappointed). 

I spent Christmas at my sister's in Cypress, complete with all the kids. It was fun. We ate loads of food, played a really fun game, even went on a dog hunt (one of the relative's dogs got out-turns out he went down to a neighbor's house!), and even a HUGE Nerf dart fight! My dad even played, it was funny. And yes, I got stuff for my future apartment: a suite of new bath towels, a tool set, and new cords and extension cords for all my electronics. Awesome! 

The day after, I met John in Humble, and I have never been to a mall the day after Christmas: complete pandemonium. I took the jacket back (with no luck on finding another), looked in a couple of stores. We ate James Coney Island for lunch, my first time going there. After, we went and saw the Hobbit in 3D. Was pretty good, if you don't count the giant spiders, or people getting their heads chopped off. After, we went to Jason's Deli, another first for me. I hated to tell him bye and head home, but I had to work the next day. He promised to see me one time before leaving. 

I headed to work and put in another exhausting weekend. On Saturday night, I finished my dock early, and Donna said I could go (I really like Donna, even though she's not our actual manager, just covering that weekend), so I headed home, grabbed a shower and dinner, and took a short nap while waiting for John. Even though he got to the house kind of late, we spent a couple of hours together, playing the game and going through all the food that John and his mom cooked for Christmas. On Thursday I had found out that John will be done with this job in another month! I'm so excited to have him home again! Just a few more weeks! I love right now that I can call him at 4:30 in the morning when I get to work, because he's up and running for work like me. I sit in my car til 5:30 talking to him. I love it! But nothing beats having him home.

2014 is on the way. I'm going to start apartment hunting very soon! And getting organized and going through things before moving. Going to talk to my dentist about going ahead with this process, even though this paralysis in my jaw still isn't going away. Let's see what this next year brings. I'm excited, and I'm ready. 2013 is now a memory. 2014 is going to be a great year! 

Happy New Year everyone. 

Magnets.

Music: "Magnet" - Hook n Sling
3:12p


I didn't think I'd ever find my way back here. I would give this blog a glance every once in a while, but this is the first real chance in nearly two or three months (I've really lost track) I've had to really sit and talk. So much has been going on in that length of time, and some of it has been really life changing. 

Where I last left off, way back in September, I was about to have the last of my wisdom teeth removed, so I could go on to the next step in the process. The surgery went well; I spent the rest of that week at home recovering. John was always in the picture; if he wasn't texting or  calling me to see how I was doing (and too bad I couldn't say that about my other friends), he was always by my side. Having him around really meant a lot, and he made the whole process a lot easier to deal with. Upon returning to the doctor to have the stitches taken out, and the swelling had gone down, I learned that they had damaged the nerve that runs along your jaw while they were removing the tooth on the bottom. There was no way around it. I ended up with temporary numbness on the left side of my mouth and jaw, and I was given anywhere from 3-6 months before I got any feeling back. That left me in a terrible state of depression, and now I had another worry. Bad enough I was self-conscious before. I couldn't look at people when I talked. I had a hard time eating. Sleeping. Speaking. Now, nearly two months later, to an outsider, I look normal (for me). I still have no feeling on my left side. I have good days and I have bad days. I am a bit deterred though; I can't move forward with the process until this problem goes away. I feel like I keep getting knocked down, but I know it will be worth it in the end. 

Meanwhile, John and I have been spending a lot of our free time together. When he's not on call for a job, and I'm not working, we're together. I love it when we get time together; and no amount of time together is nearly enough. I'm still figuring out some things, but he's a really great guy. I'm lucky to have him.

I am officially 30. My birthday was better than I could have hoped for; I celebrated with friends and family. Even John was able to make the party at the house; even though he'd just driven home from Tyler all night the night before, and hadn't slept in two days, against my wishes for him to stay home and get some rest, he still made it. My 30th was amazing, and I wouldn't have done it any differently. Do I feel older? I haven't had time to process it, but I can feel a slight difference. :)

John went back home to Oklahoma on Sunday for a job, and to see his home for the first time since the tornadoes hit back on May 31st. I miss him. I've been using the time apart to work some overtime at work (and I feel slightly guilty for not going in before; but I was still new in my QA job, and our overtime wasn't mandatory. Plus...more time with John) to make some money on the side, for Christmas. I can't believe the holidays are here again (and I'm already sick of Christmas, let's just get that out of the way). 

Other than all that, I've been trying to grow as a person and adult. Getting my medical bills paid off felt so liberating! Now I can finally turn my attention to finding my own place, and get out from under my parents' roof. I crave that freedom so bad, I can taste it. 

It feels good typing on here again. I should do it more often. ;) I can't wait to see what's next. Until next time....

Let the countdown begin.

Music: Trance compilation on YT.
7:30p

As I sit here and count the days, hours, and minutes, I am feeling oddly calm. Of course, the real fun hasn't started yet, and I'm just waiting for the emotions I know are coming, to set in.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of not doing my job right. I have so much more to learn, and everything is being thrown at me all at once. I am determined to use what I learned last Sunday and apply that to my last weekend of work. I know what I have to do, I just hope I do it right. 

I'm nervous. I'm nervous about the surgery. There is always a possibility of side-effects, but I don't believe that is what will set my nerves on edge. Sitting in that office on Tuesday, waiting to see my X-ray and discuss things with the dentist, it became more real. But, I'm also happy. Happy to finally have this behind me, and no more having to kill myself to wedge food from behind that stupid tooth. I've felt nothing but bliss since having my right side done, and in a few more days, I'll have no more to worry about. Everything will be back in balance, then on to the next and final step in this journey. I've got the moral support I need for next week. John will be there, and before I could discuss the plans for Tuesday, he beat me to it, asking me what time he will need to be at the house the morning of. Having him there means the world to me (even if he will be taking full advantage of my post-anesthesia ramblings). I'm still nervous. 

I am determined. Determined to start getting everything in order, and start paying off all these medical bills, so I can finally start to claim some independence. My car is almost totally paid for (even though I've really put some miles on her the past couple months), and I'm still compiling a list of apartments I want to check out. I'm determined to make 2014 an awesome year! 

My 30th birthday is a month away. I think that feeling is starting to set in. That feeling of what have I really accomplished. Of 'oh my God, I'm not in my 20's anymore'! Of 'oh my God, I'm 30'! Okay, so what have I accomplished? I've done so much with my job the past 10 years. I've never quit, never given up. Made many accomplishments, made many friends, and gotten more praise than I feel I deserve. So that might not be a lot, but it's mine. Personally, I'm getting what I want in the form of getting this problem fixed, so I can finally start living life, not having to hold back. There's still things I want to do, from a musical standpoint. This is only the beginning. 30 will come no matter what. I have so much to be thankful for, and THAT is an accomplishment in and of itself! 

Blessed. I don't know how I became so blessed with John. What did I do to deserve such a great guy? He really takes care of me (even though I don't need it :) ). He looks out for me. We have so much in common. I've been so blessed to have spent the time I have with him the past few weeks. He's like my best friend, and that's what I'm looking for. Someone I can joke around with and insult and we just laugh it off. Someone I can tell everything to. I know he'll be leaving soon, so I'm enjoying every minute I have with him. 

It's that time again, another weekend of busting my ass in the Texas heat. Some peak season this has been. No overtime, but I guess I'm not really complaining, because that's more time spent doing other things. Oy. The money would still be nice, though.....

Until next week.....I'm out. 

Too early for this.

Music: Shogun- "Amplify"
12:15p

I can't believe how fast this month is going, already. I wish I could slow things down. But, that could always be a bad thing. Why is it that the older you get, the faster time goes? I don't think we'll ever know the answer.

I busted my ass this weekend in the heat and yesterday everything went to hell..quickly. I'm having a hard time keeping up with this job. I can't remember things, or steps. I have to write everything down. I'm two months in now almost, and while I don't plan on getting it down pat overnight (and there's still so much more to learn), I really want to get to the point to where I'm not having to track people down to ask questions. I want to be able to handle my own without leaning on others. It is proving to be a difficult task. I got really angry yesterday, and it was all I could do to not go marching off to my manger to ask her for better training. I was actually happy when they stuck me on the machine to go count slots. Yes, I said happy. Going up to the top is getting a little easier, as I'm not freaking out as much as I was. I still hate heights. That won't change. And, I was never so happy to get out of that place, even though it was nearly 6:30 when I finally clocked out. 

After a very interesting stop at Taco Bell for dinner (those damn kids could not make up their minds what radio station they wanted to listen to; I heard everything from R&B to Spanish, to oldies and new-age), I came home and took a long bath, but it did not relax me. I called John not long after, and the exhaustion finally caught up to me. It was all I could do to not pass out in my chair. I don't even know why I turned on my TV. 

This week I am taking time to relax and tie up the loose ends before I have to spend the next week out of commission, so to speak. I spent most of my time last week with John. It was so peaceful, just the two of us and no one else around. I was so happy there, that I was reluctant to make the 45 minute drive back home. I'm still hoping he'll be there with me next week, as my support. I don't know that I can do this without him there. 

So, this week, I'm going to enjoy getting out and eating everything in sight, because I'll be spending the majority of this next vacation at home and in bed. Although, the thought of being waited on hand and foot will be nice.....for the first two days. Then, somewhere along the line, I'll become annoyed, then get yelled at for getting out of bed and moving around. I'm anxious, nervous, excited and relieved to finally have this out of the way. But mostly anxious. Right now, I'm enjoying being pain and torture-free. 

With that, I'm off to go find trouble like only I can find it. 

Back to September.

Music: Trance Eye- Baltic Waves
11:50a

I got over the bridge that was going back to work this weekend. Oh yeah, and I burned it after I crossed it, too. It was exhausting, and sometimes boring. Being without my trainer for the first time, it was up to me to do audits on the dock, alone. I learned how to supervise the conveyor lines, being sure labels and numbers matched, and everything was running smoothly. It's nice...until the machine decides to stop every 10 minutes, and you have to stand there waiting. It took me all damn day to reach the 600 cases I needed, because they kept stopping the lines. Real annoying. So I switched between working on the docks, and going back to the lines. Thank God I had a machine to my name, otherwise I'd be completely dead today. I think I spent more time on the machine yesterday than I actually did working. Not fun when you're trying to hit your numbers, but definitely wasn't complaining, either. The orderfillers didn't produce much in the way of good freight for me to work with (and I'm still learning on top of that), and with the lines stopping like they were, I was bored and wanted to go home. After getting pissed off by two co-workers, I was irritated and about to scream. I drove down to the shipping dock to verify freight, if just to get away from people in general so I could cool down and be alone. I started hearing word of different areas having to stay late, and I prayed I wasn't one of them. I left on time, and didn't look back. 

I was in such a rush to get this weekend over with, if mostly to see John again. His trip may be delayed a couple of weeks, which gives me more time with him, but at the same time, it's only prolonging the inevitable. I know eventually he has to leave. I'm hoping he'll at least be here still on the day of the surgery. Moral support if anything else, and that would mean the world over to me to have him there. I still don't know about the whole (curse you James for making me say this)..boyfriend...thing. It's not fear that is holding me back, just the principal of the fact that I have one in the first place. It's not something that happens to me. I've never, in all my 30 years, had someone I can call a real 'boyfriend'. Guys have come and gone out of my life, but nothing ever *that* serious. This is totally different. And at the same time, so very exciting.....

I know I have to focus the next couple of weeks; this next month and a half is going to be super busy. So much to do, so little time. October is now literally around the corner. I have to balance everything (after all, it's what we Libras do), and find that place to go if things get chaotic. This is what I've been patiently waiting for.

It's Labor Day, I'm getting paid to go have fun. Happy holiday, I'll return soon. 

Diamonds in the sky..

Music: "Diamonds"- Rihanna
10:45a

Well, it sure has been a while since I've had time to sit down and write. I kinda missed it. So many things have happened in the past 13 days....

On my last Sunday at work, I couldn't get out fast enough. I *almost* managed to slip out early, if it weren't for the fact that I needed to put some information in the computer, and then I kept getting stuck with simple tasks, one after the other. I wanted someone to put me out of my misery and say I could go home. I ended up getting off on time. Not sure on how the next 11 days were going to go, I started planning out the things I wanted to get accomplished. Monday I succeeded in getting about 10 things done at once. Okay, so far, good start to this vacation.

Tuesday while trying to finally decide a date for this appointment, John called me to say he was back home in Texas. He was just up the road from me, car shopping. JK dealer, really? Haha, ugh you can't convince these dudes. I didn't see him though; he had to head right back to Spring to see about a computer he'd bought that was acting less than what should be acceptable. Wednesday was what would get the ball rolling....in so many ways. 

The date is now set. I got up first thing Wednesday morning and overcame the nerves that were pushing me over the edge, and confirmed an appointment. I ended up having to push the desired date a week back, but I'm not sure if that's supposed to give my job a more advanced heads-up, or if that's supposed to give me more time to stress. I'm ready to get that part over with, so I can move on to the next step. 

I went back out to Humble to meet up with Heather. It was fun to have a girl's day. It was nice to hit up all our favorite stores, and swap stories about our lives and friends, and just have time to hang out. I've known her now going on 15 years. Love her to death. I just wish I had more time to hang out with her. After swapping stories about having our teeth ripped out, I headed back home to get ready to see John after a month and a half. The reunion felt great. I wasn't sure how much time I'd have with him, so I enjoyed the night we spent together, not knowing when the time would come around again. 

I spent the majority of my weekend off with him, if not all. To have that one-on-one time felt great; to get to know each other (talking about in person), to laugh and learn and see where things go. Sitting outside his house one night, looking at the stars, he told me about how when he's out in the middle of the water, how you could see every single star, lit up and it being the most beautiful thing. Like diamonds in the sky.... I hope one day I can travel and see what he has seen and experienced. 

My time is slipping away, like sand through an hourglass. He's leaving for Brazil next week. I won't see him for a couple of months. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with that. We will still have contact with each other this time around. I'm not sure through what means, but as long as we can still talk back and forth, I'll take it, I just won't be able to see him, hear his voice, until he comes back home. And it's like he knows; last night, while talking to him through IM, the news of his trip finally sank in, and I got upset. Not a minute later, my phone rang. I told him I fee like I'm being selfish. I'm really going to miss him. 

Today is my last chance to see him before he goes. It's like a drug; you keep taking hits, only to have to quit cold turkey. I want to see him as much as I can, but that will make it all the more difficult when I have to leave back home tonight. I am going to have to find something to do, because I don't take separation very well, especially if that person means a lot to me. I'm not afraid; I know we can make this work. When I first met him, way back on Myspace, we talked back and forth for a few years, before we lost contact. He found me again, in December of last year, after 3 years. Something brought us back together after all that time. It was meant to be, and possibly a bigger sign of what could be. Again, I'm not afraid.

I've spent too much time on here, typing away, and thinking about this past week and the future. All in all, this vacation probably trumps the last one in many ways. My days are mixed up, and going back to work is going to be a complete bitch. I'm off to find something to do. Until next time...

So many things, so little time...

Music: A-really-really-good-song-that-I-can't-name-because-I'll-get-in-trouble-and-may-never-hear-it-again-and-if-you-don't-give-me-one-for-my-own-I-will-cry. lol
5p

I really hate it when the fates screw with me. Those assholes. These past couple of weeks have about driven me up the wall with all the waiting and nail-biting I've been doing, and not just for me....

A family member is looking for a job, and had a very good lead, but heard nothing back, so lately I've been the moral support in job-hunting. And speaking of opportunity, mine may have been put on the back burner for now, although the person I spoke to said they are interested still. I'm just going to enjoy the time I have right now, until something changes. 

This all could possibly tie in to how I pay off a new car note soon. I'm still car-shopping, and getting more depressed by the minute. The car at the top of my list may be just out of my reach, unless I do the aforementioned task. So I'm looking at other options (the Nissans are waaaayyy too expensive, so screw them, I really don't want another Chevy, since the Cobalts are no longer in production, and the Scions? Heh, I can kiss that one goodbye, too.). I came across the Kia Soul earlier this week, base of $15,000. Now that's more like it! I've always been rather fond of them, and the more I researched them, the more likable they became. So I'm down to my top two; Honda Civic coupe, or Kia Soul.....and I'm not-so-patiently awaiting the 2014's to come out. I'm going to have to trade my car in soon..time is ticking. She's got her oil changed, tires are still like-new, and I just had new wipers put on today. She's still in great shape, for being half a decade old. A new car would be an awesome early birthday present....

And speaking of which, I'm still planning everything out for the big day; where I want to go, etc. I'm still planning on taking the weekend off (the day falls on a Saturday), and am going to put that in this weekend. I swear I'm not ending up like the last time.....that was no fun. Now that I'm less than two months out, getting there will be half the journey; after next month's surgery, it will be an awesome reward for making it as far as I have, and I can finally start the process to fix these damn teeth. I'm excited, nervous, anxious, but so ready to get that part over with. Then I can celebrate. After this weekend, I will be on vacation for 11 days, so I've got plenty of time to finally sit down and plan everything out, and finally set the date. This is it, and again, time is ticking down....this has to happen. No more waiting or excuses. 

And speaking of vacation...I'm not sure how this one will top the one I took in July. Going into this weekend, I had a not-so-good outlook, except to take care of personal things (the surgery, birthday plans, some basic running around), and see friends. But I wasn't sure about John. These last few weeks, communication between us has been just one or two lines back and forth, and it's been driving me insane not being able to talk to him. Things didn't appear to be going well on his end. I just found out today that he is planning on taking some time off during the week, and possibly next weekend, and he's coming home. I'm so excited it's all I can do to not take off to LA and drag him back. I just found the drive to make it through the next three days (even if they do stick me up in the air all day again....I still hate heights!). 

Sunday night can't come fast enough.........

Until next time.

Ask yourself will it ever get better.

Music: "Can't Sleep"- Above and Beyond
3:20p

You know, I started writing this up on Monday, was going to come back, forgot about it, so here we are. It's Thursday. The week got away from me, I guess (even though I'd said I was free all week). One thing about last weekend (that I was originally going to write), was I learned the entire computer part of working the docks, and after spending all damn day working Flow for the very first time, I felt cut-off from the rest of the warehouse, and once again was on mental overload. So much to have to know, and I have got to start learning to interact with people again. It's not easy. I got so comfortable not having to talk to people on a daily basis, and while I enjoyed that part, there was still something lacking. Not only that, but upon walking through the doors to Phase 1 on Sunday, my former manager asked me to....yes, haul. Hauling and not being on production was awesome. I spent maybe the first two hours doing that, until Joe needed my PE, because his crapped out. Oh, well. Back to walking again in the blasted heat. Was a tiring day overall. 

So I saw this week that I will NEVER go back to Myspace. Ever. I'm lucky I got all my pics back, but the blog is no more, and that pisses me off, because I had so many memories and important things in there. I SHOULD have backed those up, but a certain SOMEONE never would show me how. A little angry we are, yes? I'm going to start transferring my old pics to a flash drive, because at least I know how to do THAT. I FUCKING hate technology and the assholes that run it. I'm done, and off the soapbox I go....

I lacked on sleep this week, thanks to a sore mouth after having the procedure done last week. So bad was I lacking, I spent most of the week in a bad mood. I ended up catching back up last night, sleeping nearly 12 hours. Thank God...and right before the weekend gets going again. 

Someone made my day 10 times better yesterday....John. I spent nearly all day talking to him, the first since last month we'd talked that long. Found even more things we have in common (does it end? :P ), and did our usual joking back and forth. Even when my friend Jessica came over to swim, I was still in and out, checking my messages. He is off to Brazil next month, and I've never had anyone be that far away from me. I don't like it, but I know it's for his job. It's going to be difficult, but I'm hoping he doesn't have to stay long. He's going to miss my surgery and my birthday, but I know he'll be there in spirit. I miss him....

I learned through a friend today of an opportunity. Not sure what I'm going to do yet, but the pros outweigh the cons by a long shot. I'm going to be giving up a lot, but I'm sick of waiting to get the things that I want. If I don't do this, or if I'm not given the opportunity after all (and my chances look good), then I have to wait a little longer. I'm tired of waiting!! While everyone else gets to start living their lives, I'm ALWAYS left behind. Not anymore.....I don't want to say 'everyone wish me luck', because I'm merely letting this one play out on its own....it's whatever God decides is right for me. 

For now, I'm going to work and just try to get the other more important things straightened out: vacation, surgery, and my birthday. Whatever happens in between will be dealt with accordingly. Until then, have a good weekend. I'll be back soon...

Mental overload.

Music: "Never Say Goodbye"- Hardwell
12:40p

Raise your glasses, folks. It's Monday. Okay, maybe that's not a good thing for everyone, but for me, it's definitely a good thing. Four days off ahead of me to rest after starting my new job this past weekend. This will be a job like no other I've ever done in my life. There's more to it than just walking along and forever scanning labels...

After a bitter-sweet end to my time as a hauler, Saturday met me with so many unknowns. I found out I was actually supposed to start training the day before, but my manager just could not afford to give me up, as we were a little busy, not to mention short-handed (what else is new there). I started training right away on one of the biggest machines in our fleet: the SP. That thing is intimidating at first, but so was the PE when I took my first spin. You're dealing with limited visibility, and therefore, you have to be more careful. Safety is an even bigger issue. I found that the written test for the SP was MUCH easier than for the PE. You can only miss one question to make a 100, and I missed one. So off to hands-on. Yes, they're crazy for putting me on the largest machine in that warehouse. On the SP, you have to be harnessed in, and being so small  sometimes leaves you at a disadvantage. My trainer and I took off, and I trained on getting a feel for the machine once again in the open area of D dock. The machine doesn't move fast at all, and like the PE, it takes some getting used to. At least I'm not on production, so for once, speed did not matter. The most nerve-wracking part of the training was going up (and by that, I mean ALL the way UP), into the aisles, so high that I could dust the rafters, and probably see my house. My trainer is telling me 'hey look at this view! You can see everything!' Um yeah, that's cool, great. Can we go down now? The height thing will take LOTS of getting used to. I'm alright with heights, depending on how high we're talking. Anything more than 20 stories, and I'll wave at you from the safety of the ground. Just don't look down.....

I drove for the first time on the main aisle, and all the way to A dock, where we worked on turns. Coming out of a turn, the machine stopped dead in its tracks. Great. First day on the machine, and already I'm breaking them. Well that didn't take long. So we had to walk aaaallll the way back to the QA office and grab another SP (and I actually could maneuver that one better), and we were off again. After lunch, I began learning how to back up, and square turns. Once I had that down, it was test time. My trainer wanted me to pull up along the racks, lift up about the third rack up, show them I could easily reach a box, then come back down and turn into the aisle, and come back up and park. I passed, and I was officially licensed. The SP is a little easier than the PE as far as what tasks you can do (the SP doesn't require you to grab pallets, go into trailers, etc), but my God is it hard to see out in front of you. I went ahead and took my last break, and when I came back, I had a new badge waiting for me. I spent the rest of the day doing small tasks; fixing labels on boxes, and taking cases and dropping them off at their correct slots, which required me to get a PE. After being on the SP all day, the PE felt weird, even though it'd just been 24 hours since the last time I'd driven one. I went home, processing what I'd learned. 

Sunday was a little easier. I met one of my managers, and I didn't touch the SP all day. Instead, three of us were shipped across the street first thing. When I walked out to my car, the first light of sunrise was beginning to show. It was beautiful. I was to be taught how to verify freight, and get my first taste of actually working with DTS freight, not just carrying it somewhere. I spent all day with my gun, scanning labels, and helping unloaders when needed, for lack of anything else to do at times. It was so quiet over there. The part that I had to get used to was all the walking required. I'm so out of shape after spending 10 months attached to a machine. So I figured I'd find a PE to get me from one side of the building to the other (we were working in the back), but all I could find was about 50 RR's, and one lone SP. Those words 'good luck trying to find a PE in Phase 1' kept ringing in my head the entire day. What? I was pissed because I had to walk around like a chump. I missed feeling the breeze and not having to walk. haha. I never did find a PE, so I walked around aimlessly, scanning labels. It was super, super hot in that damn building, and we finally got some relief later on when it started pouring down rain. The day was uneventful for the most part, but I learned a lot more. I'm going to be eventually trained how to go into the aisles and do audits, chases and strays (which require mountains of paper work...not looking forward to that aspect), verifying, and working with the handheld doing other tasks. I got off on time, happy to have gotten my hours. I came home and was completely exhausted. I didn't even have the strength to talk. I ended up going to bed early, no use in fighting it. 

I'm not sure how much I'm going to like certain aspects of the job, but it is definitely going to have its advantages. Who knows, in six months, I may stay, I may end up going back to hauling. You never know what could change. I'm doing something different, more detailed, and giving my body a chance to rest and heal itself. I hope I find what I'm looking for....

This week I'm going to try to accomplish some minor things, as we head into August. I can't believe it's here again! Planning out the next couple of months is going to prove a challenge, but will be done! And many opportunities await....

Until next time, folks...

Pwned.

Music: "Sleeping At Last"- Turning Page
9p

You know, Mother Nature is truly a bitch. A nasty, evil bitch. 

Ownage of the weekend number one.

And you know, Friday was actually great. Everything was back in balance. My last full weekend as a hauler was off to a great start. Yes, I was tired, but I knew that would only be the start. I could feel the change coming. And this is the pattern my weekends have been following; Friday: great. Saturday: someone kill me. Sunday: it's my Friday, but still..someone kill me. Friday night I came home to the package I'd been waiting for. A good end to a good day, but knew it wouldn't last. I was so right...

Saturday was awful. I was right about the change. I spent the majority of the day in a very bad mood, threatening to run people over who kept getting in my way (which was happening A LOT). I noticed a slew of new faces working for our third party, who had been given the task of cleaning the building in advance of a visit from the head boss. Meaning, a Spring-cleaning, all hands on deck, nothing will be left untouched-cleaning. These guys took to the aisles of all places, and I nearly ran people over who were sweeping behind pallets. Adding to my already growing frustration, I knocked over about 7 pallets throughout the day. Fucking unloaders. I did take responsibility for one because idiot me took a corner too fast (but when don't I do that?). Not only does that kill your time, but your numbers as well. I was in such a sour mood all day, that I took refuge in my car during break times. What is it about sitting in your car for 15 minutes that changes your outlook on things? Maybe it's that little piece of home, that normalcy, the comfort. Each time, I went back with a good attitude (or tried to, anyway), only to get knocked back into a bad mood later on. Blame it on the hormones, and all the events of the day up to that point. Not to mention pedestrians who have absolutely NO respect for machines. Honking my horn three times to let these people know I'm coming, and get right up on them, honk again, and oh! there's a machine there? Where'd you come from? 

Somebody fucking get me off this machine before somebody dies.I couldn't stand these people's ignorance and lack of respect. I'll run these clowns over before I hit any of my friends, who were walking around as well. I was beyond frustrated. 

Later in the afternoon, I hit A dock to up my numbers, and the vet hauler came and gave me the list of old freight, for A dock. Hey, this is cool! I'll gladly take this list, thank you so much. Lots of easy hauls on this list. But...she came back a few minutes later and explained that I was given the wrong list because I'd been on this dock yesterday, the hauler in charge today needs this list. Um, okaaayy..so where's my C dock list (my assigned dock). What did I get? D dock. Um, I'm not responsible for this dock. Oh, are you sure? That's the dock they called out this morning, I'm not deaf, you little vet hauler. Alright, I didn't say that last part but I should have told her off then. What? I'm leaving! What are they gonna do? Not only did I get that list, but the list had long hauls. I'm already not making my numbers for the day....

Now I'm pissed beyond reason. That did it for me. Joe had C dock, he got a C dock list, where's mine? I went to D dock and scoped it out. It was jam packed, but all long hauls. Fuck this shit! The vet hauler found me a while later and gave me yet another list, and asked why I wasn't working it. God dammit, leave me alone! I found Hamilton and asked him to get her off my back. He told me not to worry, just do what I normally do best. After dropping a pallet in the aisle and collecting myself, I finally swallowed my pride and went to my assigned door, the expression on my face probably scaring the other drivers, but I didn't care anymore. I didn't look that hauler in the eye, or give her the time of day, I just did what I could on that door. I was too far gone to care, too pissed off to do anything but make it to the end of the day. I was never more happy when the day finally ended..and on time, too (did I hear someone mention 8'o'clock? HA that was probably the highlight of my day, and I needed a good laugh). 

I got my answer to my problem on Sunday, later in the day. My mood hadn't improved by much, and our trailer count wasn't there again, but I did what I could. Tried to better collect myself and not run over people. My last weekend as a hauler was eventful, but not like I thought it'd be. I'm starting my new job this weekend, and I'm a bit nervous. Not sure what to expect, but apparently there's word going around that I won't be able to handle it. Hmm...so let's see, I survived by some miracle 7 months of unloading, dominated hauling, so this should be another thing I can conquer and do it well. I won't be intimidated.....

I'm going to enjoy my week until then. Think I'm going to go watch Breaking Dawn...oh yeah, and it's all John's fault. Yeah, blame John. He's a guy, and...um, yeah..it's his fault. Muahaha. 

Counting down....

Music: Thunder
3:30p

It's been an interesting week. Where I last left off, I was about to face the second jury summons in 5 years. I went in, spent all day waiting, only to be told that my group wouldn't be needed, as the court reached a verdict without the need for us. Awesome! I'm free! I went home, shedding off my dress clothes as I went. Freedom! No, I wasn't happy at all. :P

I managed to spend the last of my vacation with friends, adding to all the stuff I did while on vacation. And I wish it would have lasted longer: going back this weekend was really tough. My body was happy to be back on its 'normal' schedule, but once again, the weirdness that only I can conjure up made sure I knew that I was truly back at work. Friday left me totally exhausted after 11 days of rest, and of course we got off late. I hit my numbers with what strength I had left, and just could not drive any more. Saturday was a strange day. After not having enough freight to haul on the docks (bad enough we had 'extra help' from Shipping, taking all our very little production), I was sent across the street. I had forgotten just how empty, dark, eerie, quiet, and backwards Phase 1 was. The last time I was there was a year ago, training as a hauler, then coming right back a couple weeks later to see for the first time what the building is like when it's actually full, during peak season. I was completely lost then, and that didn't change. After finding the only PE amongst the row of machines, I took off for B shipping. After asking for directions with where the freight was going, I was set. Most everything went to the same spot, making hauling *very* boring. So quiet, and dark, but not having to worry about other traffic! For that part, it was nice.

Things were going good, and I was happy to be making production (thanks to double-stacked hauls). DTS had started over there, and the freight was all easy hauls. I pulled in to grab a single pallet, and the PE started tipping. Whoa...so I dropped the forks, and stared down the pallet. What the hell? The pallet was fine! Even with the ground, nothing loose, no wood. A fellow hauler passed by then, and pointed down. I looked down..and followed the cord to my scan gun...it wasn't where it should be, tucked safely in my box, but...

I'd just run over my scan gun. Not just run over, but smashed. Congratulations, Jamie Lynn, you're having an awesome day! Glass from the gun covered the floor, and the gun was done for. I'd run over guns before, but caught them before I could do much damage. I'd never seen something so totaled like the gun was. It was twisted and mangled, and obviously not going to see the light of day again. I ran up to the office, and they had to fill out a report. I'd just destroyed a $250 dollar scan gun. Way to go, idiot. What was worse, I had to wait for my manager to come back to the building to sign off on the report, before they could let me have another scan gun. After last break, we finally got a hold of him, and when he found me, he joked that maybe that was my sign I shouldn't be leaving. I got a new gun, and found a safer place for it this time. After a couple more bumps, I managed to hit my numbers, but just barely. 

Sunday was an awful day for numbers; the trailer count just wasn't there, and that means no freight. I didn't even pull 175. I was super disappointed, and I tried all afternoon to get out, to save myself the stress of finding production, but I kept having to do housekeeping. Why he didn't just let us leave, I have no clue. After this weekend, I'm glad I got the QA job, and I've been told all weekend just how hard it is to get in to QA. I believe it, but I'm just glad I had the seniority. So many things I won't have to worry about, but hoping I just get to verify and scan freight. Feeling hopeful. :) 

This will be my last full weekend hauling, so I have to get my kicks in one last time! A new chapter awaits....

For now, I'm off to go wreak havoc in Cypress with my family. Until next time....

8,101

Music: "Clarity" by Zedd
11p

I'm not a hauler anymore.

As I write this, I'm still not sure what to feel. As much as I'm saddened to say those words, because I feel like I'm giving up something I fought so hard for, I'm also proud of what I have done looking back. Unlike when I got the job as a hauler, and I felt the weight of the world lifted off of my shoulders after so long, this time...is very different. I wasn't fighting for my life. I wasn't worried where my future with the company would end up. I wasn't at the end of my rope in every way you could ever imagine. This time, I simply needed a break. The title above refers to different numbers during my time as a hauler. On the 8th day of the month, marking my 10-month anniversary, and what was then my one and only shot of getting out of the hell that was unloading. I've more than proven myself; I fought for it and I won. Even though I didn't make a year like I thought I would, fate had other plans. I'm simply burnt out, and an injured arm did not help matters. Oh, I could still go on and haul another 10 months if I wanted to, but I'm opting out to test the waters and also give my arm a chance to heal and rest. Oh, and you're probably wanting to know the good news! I'm transferring into a quality control associate. I'm playing with the big guns now. I won't be on production for the first time in a year and a half. I get to actually take time and interact with people, instead of having to speed away to grab this or make my numbers. Waiting for that damn phone call drove me batty.

I woke up yesterday morning, anxious to get the dentist out of the way, and on to the next thing: the phone call. But when I got home, and the call never came, I figured it wasn't meant to be. Well, sorry arm, but you're just gonna have to keep going until I have to saw you off. With learning about what I have to do next with my teeth, plus not seeing John, and the other stuff (still not satisfied), I was depressed. What is it about Mondays that make me so down? The morning wore on, and still no phone call. So, at my sister's request, I packed an overnight bag, and drove myself out to Cypress to see my sister and the kids. The kids are nothing but spoiled brats, and I didn't see half of them until that night, when we went bowling. They didn't even come out to say hi to me. Not long after I got to the house, my sister and I were looking at stuff on her computer, when my phone started ringing. Here we go with the idiot telemarketers again! Sound familiar yet? Once again, it was the DC. 'You got the job, you still want it?' The hell do you guys always ask me that? Okay, I know it's probably their protocol, but whatever. So I accepted, and was told that everything would be drawn up by the time I return to work on Friday. So after screaming and giving my sister a big hug, I was finally able to wipe away another worry, and finally announce to the world I had the job. I didn't tell anyone about it this time around, mostly because I didn't want to get my hopes up, and for the element of surprise, the fun part. 

I suck at bowling, and just when I found my inspiration for knocking down pins (yeah, I imagined the pins as being his head *muttering* stupid friends....), the games were over, and people were packing up. That's when John called me. I talked to him on the way back to the house, and told him about the job. Always nice to talk to him when he gets a free moment. Lets me know he's thinking about me....unlike some people....

I kept thinking back about how the events had played out. I'm glad I got the job, but now the nervous part sets in all over again. They gonna teach me to drive the big machines now? Oh, God, might want to evacuate the building for a day. Or better yet, put me in Phase 1. Yeah, nothing to destroy over there. If in six months I decide I don't like QA, it will be the first of the year, and I can always go back to hauling if I so choose. I'll even get to play on the new machines by then hopefully. It's a quiet victory (unlike when I got the hauler position, and I cried for a week). I'm excited for the opportunity. I think I can handle a couple more weeks tearing around the warehouse. I'm losing some things, like I won't have my same manager anymore. I won't get to tear around the warehouse with the other haulers, but I won't have to worry about going into those blasted aisles where people try to kill you. 

I have another hurdle to jump over, and that's jury summons tomorrow. I'm off to quietly celebrate another victory, and pray they let me go tomorrow. THAT will be a victory in and of itself! 

Until next time....

And on a side note, while driving home from Cypress today, fighting rain and real traffic for the very first time, I remembered the last time I celebrated a victory, and when I was able to, plugged in my iPod and searched for the song. Yes, THAT song. If you don't remember, you might want to re-read my blog titled "One word: wow". Yes, I played the song..twice in a row before I'd finally made it home. If the day was gonna do it, might as well do it all the way, right? 

"There's nothing to crowd my mind..." And with that, I'm saying goodnight. 

"Blue"

Music: Two Steps From Hell
9:45a

I didn't get the chance to tell him goodbye. To hug him one last time. Tell him how much I was going to miss him. I wanted to look into his eyes once more, and see what I hoped would be sadness, as he didn't want to leave my side. The words "I don't want to break your heart" are understandable, but still sting nonetheless. I miss you already. I didn't feel the ache when you were around. I felt cared for and appreciated, the way it should have been before. I never got to tell him goodbye....

Coming off such an incredible weekend, Monday has met me with more bad news than I can stand. I'm an emotional wreck. Why is it that I keep falling so many steps back, when it feels like I've just caught up? I get my hopes up, only to be shot down and pushed back. I can't find the happiness I've been after for so long...

Why do I get the bad news as soon as I wake up on Monday mornings? Someone I really would like to get to know more has now gone back 'home' and I don't know when we'll see each other again. I didn't even get to tell him goodbye. He was just too far behind schedule (but I know that seeing me as well as his family made up for his bad weekend). The other, just-as-important person has left, too, and this will be a very long weekend. I want to confront him, too, ask every question that has been on my mind these past couple of months. I'm probably the last person in the world he wants to see, and the most annoying, but I just need that reassurance that it's probably just all in my mind. I care, too, but sometimes I don't feel that notion is returned. As much as I just want to run everyone over, I'm also letting emotions of another worry spill over into this one.

I'm still waiting to hear about what my future holds. And funny how today is 10 months since I started the hauling job. I just don't know. I didn't tell anyone about what my plans were, but maybe I should have. I'd know I  have people on my side telling me and re-assuring me that everything would go well. How much confidence (I'm beginning to LOATHE that word) they have that I'd get the news I've so longed to hear. I'm frustrated, unsure, confident, worried, hopeful, and everything else wrapped into one. Please God let that phone ring. 

I'm keeping up with the medical end of things, but things keep popping up, deterring me. I'm about to be set back another few hundred dollars with yet another issue that popped up today, but it's just a speed bump. Next month, I'll have the surgery done. Not like we'll be getting any overtime at work, so you can just forget that right now. Getting your hopes up gets you nowhere, like me. Two years (give or take), and I'll finally have what I want. This is only the beginning...

I just really want things in the present to get better. That phone needs to ring first.

So many questions...

Music: the hum of my laptop
9a

The waiting game continues. I did my part yesterday as soon as I saw the opportunity. About time they actually let me know something. I'd been waiting for two weeks to get a spot in line, so to speak, so now...I wait. A year ago at my job, I was nearing my 6-month 'probation' period as an unloader, just waiting to get my hands on something, anything, and get out of that God-awful position that very nearly killed me. I had so much doubt that getting out would be so easy, and when I finally saw a hauling position open up, I knew it couldn't be that easy, because I just don't have that kind of luck. My family was on pins and needles, and friends had no doubt I'd get that job. I served my time and paid my dues, and blood, sweat and tears finally paid off. Now, I'm 10 months in, and I couldn't be more proud of myself for going this long. But it hasn't been without struggle; my arm has been bothering me this week. If I have to stay on this path, then I'm going to have to go see my doctor. Not looking forward to that, but it would be nice to have some feeling come back to my hand...

And now, (and I still haven't told anyone else about what I'm doing), I'm trying to branch out and keep all my options open. IF I were to choose to transfer at my current job, I have no steps against me, and I've served my 6 months. So I'm good on that. As far as transferring out of walmart altogether...that's going to be interesting. Whatever happens...I'm ready.

And still so many questions about other things going on in my life. But so much is about to happen:

I turn 30 in 3 months. I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm happy, but most of all...I think I'm going to throw up. 

I'm about to pay off my car...FINALLY! Then I can either decide if I wanna sell it, or coast without the added bill of a car note for a while. Hmmm lemme think about th- I WANT A NEW CAR!  :D

My medical bills are being paid off, and I'm still progressing along. In August I'm going to have the surgery done, then probably have them start the process of straightening my teeth sometime in September, just before my birthday. I'm so excited and I can't wait to get my life back. I'm still so uncomfortable around other people...

The moving out scenario is creeping back into the equation. I'm moving to Baytown, ya'll ready for me?? *everyone gets in their cars and speeds away not looking back* YES! FREE STARBUCKS!

If I remain at the warehouse, peak season will start soon, and can I please PLEASE get some overtime already?? It's not fair! 


I can't believe how fast this week has gone by, it's been fun, frustrating, and productive. I'm taking a much needed break this weekend from the warehouse, and taking advantage of the time while everyone else has to drag themselves in to work at the ass crack of dawn. I'll be laughing, until next Friday morning when I have to go back, annoyed and tired as fucking hell. 

Until then, Happy July 4th everyone, stay safe. I'm drinking at home today. 

Playing the waiting game.

Music: Above and Beyond- "Liquid Love" (BEAUTIFUL song!)
12p

When I woke up this morning, a song came to me, complete with a beat and lyrics. That was my sign that it's going to be a nice couple of weeks. I needed this break, and after this weekend, I more than earned it. 

No day this 'work week' was as interesting, or as exhausting, as yesterday was. After everything from working with an injured arm, bad freight, waiting for this and that, breaking machines and the heat, I knew I had to make it that day. When I heard the words "D shipping," my heart and my spirits fell. Well, there went my week. I'm screwed. Oh, well. It was nice while it lasted. I got my gun and headed that direction, anticipating every door opening, and being as busy as it was the last couple of days (and with 40 trucks, what else would a hauler expect?). Upon getting to the dock, it was pitch black, silent. Not one door had opened. I started cautiously scanning the dock at the freight from the day before, and deciding I'd do whatever it took to make 220 for the day, no matter what. Thankfully, most of the freight went to the same dock. I started clearing out the short hauls, separating the long hauls for me to come back to later when I had time. That's where I spent the first two hours. Not one door ever opened, I didn't ever see a single hauler. It was quiet, and I was alone. I was happy. After clearing out the short hauls, and still not seeing any doors open up, I realized that I now had the freedom of 'floating' the docks, as I was technically not tied to any specific dock any longer. I decided I'd come back to the dock from time to time, and keep an ear out for pages for pallets. I oriented myself on C dock (where else?), grabbing what I could when it became available (kudos to QA for keeping up their pace), and watched my numbers go up and up. Now this is the way it should be everyday! 

I kept my eye on the shipping dock, and still no doors had opened. My manager actually did me a favor by putting me on that dock. Around lunch time, I had around 140. I came back, ready to go again and get ahead. But my battery decided that now would be a good time to die. Great. I'd just passed the damn station when I saw the stupid light blinking. So I made a U-turn and headed back. There was a long line, and the guy changing batteries wasn't the regular guy, and that slowed things way down. I was beyond frustrated. I was doing so good! I had another four hours of production before I hit my goal. And when it was all said and done and I finally got a battery, I was an hour behind. I waited a freaking hour. So when I was finally able to take off, I again shut my mind off and concentrated on nothing but production. I tore down the docks again, quickly finding short hauls, and finding two pallets with the same locations. I was shaking, I had so much adrenaline coursing through my veins. I managed somewhere around 30-35 hauls from that first hour alone. At break time, a friend informed me that he'd just tagged about 65 pallets of freight on my dock, but they weren't verified. I'd known about the 'live' unloads from earlier, but there were that many?? Before he told me that, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to pull the 220, and after watching people from different areas trickle out the door, heading home for the week, I just knew that my time was ticking down, and I felt depressed. I instead used that to drive me to do whatever it took to hit that goal. I needed this, and I knew I wasn't only doing it for myself. 

I hit C dock again, and I grabbed two pallets heading to D dock. I passed a QA who told me that there was someone on shipping verifying the live unloads. This could be just the break I needed. After dropping off my load, I turned onto the dock, and closed my eyes. On the opposite end of the dock sat an RR. Yes! And not one hauler in sight. You know what saved my ass? Pasta sauce. Yes, I said pasta sauce. 65 pallets of freaking pasta sauce. I went after them, starting with the rows furthest from the location first (if you work at the warehouse, I don't have to tell you where they went), not caring how many times I had to go back and forth, or how bored I got. Production, production, production. I wasn't counting anymore; I simply wrote them down and ran. Every once in a while, I'd catch another hauler taking a few, and I started to get mad, but they were simply back-hauling. They'd take a couple and head back to receiving. It took me a good hour and a half to clear them out, and thankfully the other haulers that were taking the pallets were keeping up with my system I'd set up (lining up four pallets together, leaving some space for the putaway driver, four pallets, space, and so on), and even setting them very neatly off to the side when the isle got full. I had eight pallets left on the dock. I was finally able to look at my tally. I had four trips left, equaling eight pallets. Eight pallets on the dock. i just made production for the day. I was so happy...after a good four weeks of not making my goad, I saw 220. I did my happy dance and took off. That little pesky hauler though came back and took two of my eight pallets. You son of a bitch. :P I went and scanned the last four pallets. You're going to have to pull these from my cold, dead hands. I dare you. But he never came back, figuring I had the rest. Ha! I wasn't worried, as I went back to receiving and grabbed my last two to make my numbers, and my hourly production on top of that. 

My manager had given me a list of the old freight, and most of them were long hauls, but I didn't care, you guys had my numbers, you can have whatever you want from me now. I took the first two on my list, and still had 30 minutes left of my hour. I ran back to shipping, grabbing one of those carts the orderfillers use. I think that was the first time I had one of those on my forks. My God, how the hell do they stand that noise? I'd have to wear some damn earplugs. I started grabbing trash cans off my dock, to get those out of the way. I was getting exhausted. I got my cans sorted and emptied, and ran and put them back, and dropped off that stupid cart on a module. I took the rest of the bad wood for the dock support guy, and when I hit C dock again, my mouth dropped. C dock had exploded something crazy. What did I miss? Plenty of production, and nearly every QA had come out of the woodwork and were now walking the docks. Holy crap look at all this freight! After taking my last two long hauls on my 10am list, I was done, and totally exhausted. My arm was getting very sore and uncomfortable, my feet were screaming, and I couldn't see straight, much less focus anymore. I had my numbers though. I'd just pulled in to grab a couple of pallets, running on fumes at this point, and really in no hurry, when our day was called. What a day, but I did what I needed to do, and hopefully that will be a good total for the week, as yesterday was my last day. 

Note to self: when you come home and start hallucinating that you're hearing a horn honk, and you turn to look down an aisle, but you find you're really looking down your hallway, and no PE in sight, it *might* be time to go to sleep. 

And now that I'm recharged and full of energy, I'm ready to enjoy this break. I needed it...bad. Until next time, and have a good holiday! 

Opportunity is knocking again.

Music: peace and quiet.
8:50a

I had a weird dream last night. His eyes followed me everywhere I went, and no matter how hard I tried to move away, he'd move with me, eyes on me the entire time. Almost like he already knew. I told him if he kept that up, that I'd end up spilling the beans. Then we were in the kitchen and he stubbed his foot on the stove, which I found quite funny. Serves you right.

I am beyond tired; after one of my worst weekends yet at work, on top of driving all day on Monday, plus Nature's bad attitude, I just can't catch up. But yet, for some reason I'm up an hour before my alarm. Ugh. 

This past weekend was terrible. I had my manager's support when I told him about my arm, so this weekend he started me off on A and B dock (I'm usually there on Sundays), to give me an opportunity to start learning to drive with my right hand. It became easier, although turning is still difficult. I made it through Friday more or less. Saturday, I had C dock, but ended up on D, where all the freight was (*rolls eyes*). I started strategizing how this switching game was going to work. Again, depending on where I had to go and which way I had to turn depicted what side to drive on. I just had to get some of this pressure off of my left hand. While in the aisle (side note: thank you random guy on Family Feud for telling me how 'aisle' is supposed to be spelled...why didn't someone tell me?! :P Oh, well, it's whatever), I was on the left side, and I felt a shooting pain in my palm, causing me to stop dead in my tracks. Wow! This hurt. I could not feel a single thing in my left hand. That was it. I'm done. I ran up to the desk and told my manager I had to stop. I ran to the break room on D and found a towel in the maintenance closet that looked pretty good, and made myself an ice pack. I iced down every inch of my arm and hand, and it felt amazing. I'm basically shooting myself in the foot as far as production, but this is more important. After about 20 minutes, I felt okay enough to try my luck again. 

The rest of the weekend was spent playing tug-of-war. Switching is a pain in the ass, but I was still able to make production easily. I never did hit my daily numbers on account of us leaving early every day, so I'm sure they'll take that into consideration. And I came so close each day, within at least 5-7 moves. You can understand my frustration.

I also learned of an opportunity at some point during my work week, whether or not it's work-related, I won't say. I just saw another door potentially open, and I'm seeing this as my second chance. I saw a new chapter flash before my eyes. This time, I'm not telling anyone until I find out for sure. Not my friends, not my family. I'm keeping quiet about this one, silently hoping that this is what's next for me. My chances look good.....

Meanwhile, it's been a productive week, aside from being tired. Monday was spent in Baytown nearly all day, while I waited for my mom's car to get back from the dealer. Come to find out, it was a nail in the tire, causing the light to go off. She thought she needed a tire rotation. I wish she'd thought to ask her former auto-shop daughter (i.e., me), I could have told her right away what was wrong. While waiting all that time (and we even had to end up leaving her car at the dealer overnight, because they were so busy, they hadn't even pulled it in the bay yet), I managed to get to the dentist to ask for a quote on the wisdom teeth, and get my hair cut. The rest of the day was spent driving around and stopping at random places. I passed out when I got home. 

For now, I'm off to find a certain blonde friend of mine and drag her out of the house so we can go to the mall. One more weekend of tug-of-war, and I need a break. A very looong break. I'm going to enjoy this one, because things get interesting after next week. Jury duty, birthdays, peak season starts, then surgery. I feel an odd sense of deja vu, because this is exactly where I was almost a year ago. So much going on, and hoping I get this opportunity. 

It's not over yet. 

..and still no rest. I'm going crazy.

Music: The voice in my head telling me what I must accomplish before going back to work. I'm going to kill it.

I'm surprised at how well this week has turned out. It wasn't that I was being skeptical, but that  everything has happened like I pictured. Everything has gone well..with one exception. 

My 'driving' arm. 

I have been in pain these last few days. I've tried everything: resting it, exercising it, taking Aleve for the pain, and taking hot baths. The numbness in my middle finger has not gone away. At night, I have to elevate my arm so as not to put any pressure on it because it hurts so bad. If I switch sides, I have to wake up and take the pillow with me. Using the IcyHot helps, but only for a little bit, and my arm ends up feeling like it's on fire (not normal). This is the worst it's ever been, and I'm not sure if I'll make it through the weekend. 

I'm keeping all options open at the moment.....

Monday I took the day to rest, since everyone was busy, so I took that as a sign to do just that. I couldn't much else because of the pain. After running and grabbing a pizza for a late lunch (I blame James for that one), I jumped in the pool and just floated around. My legs were hurting like a bitch, too, even waking me up constantly that morning. I didn't use my arms, instead just kicked around the pool to loosen up the muscles in my legs. After another hot bath, the pain in my legs went away, and I'd be able to sleep, save for my damn arm. Two of my friends made my night, and made me forget about everything for a minute. James (ask and you shall receive) and John (okay, stop...I'm blushing now...seriously...). I'm disappointed that John still won't be home for a few more weeks. It will make it all worth it when he finally does come home.

Crap, even typing is uncomfortable right now....

Tuesday I woke up dreading what was to come, but ready to get it over with. My sister was due in, and she surprised us by bringing my two nephews. I hardly ever get to see them. We celebrated a late Father's Day, and went out to eat. We had to shoot right back home so I could make my appointment (I made it just in time). The official word was I had to have two fillings on the bottom and one on top, all on the left side. They weren't all that bad, and I was happy to hear that (less torture!) but still just the fact that I had them in the first place made me angry at myself. It took him an hour to do all three, and I was back at home. Everyone had jumped in the pool, but I was numb on one side and just wanted to sit for a minute and relax. I really wanted in with the family, and after a little bit, I threw on the swimsuit and jumped in, grabbed a float to stay above water, and watched everyone bat the ball back and forth, dodging when it would come my way. Everyone got out and headed in, and despite the fact that my mouth felt like it weighed 10 pounds and I couldn't talk right, I played Twister with the boys. Cole kicked my ass, but we all had a blast. 

My next step is now getting the two remaining wisdom teeth taken out. Three days of my vacation gone. My sis is even talking about us taking a trip out East to see my aunt, sometime next month. Wow, my vaca time will be used up in one month! I so very badly need a break at this point, though. To get things taken care of, and get ready for our holiday season at work. I'm feeling rushed already.

Tonight was my co-workers housewarming party. There was great food, great friends, and you guessed it, plenty of alcohol to go around. I had my share and was fine the rest of the night, drinking water in preparation for the weekend. Funny thing is, I swear I've been in that house before, a very long time ago when a friend of mine lived out there. I'm going to have to ask said friend about that. I've seen it before, and I'm not talking in a dream....I was really there.

I really hope I can make it through the weekend..there's going to have to be some major switching up going on if I'm going to survive. Pray for me, because Lord knows I'm sure as Hell going to be doing my fair share. Until next time.....

Round and round we go.

Music: Wedding edition of Price is Right
10:50a

I love Mondays, but I'm hating this one. I hurt all over. Probably not as bad as I'll be hurting tomorrow though, so I'll take being sore everywhere versus what I'll be feeling tomorrow. But it's gotta get done, and this is the next step! 

This weekend was rough. I had prayed for the guidance to do what I needed to do, and upon walking into my area and discovering what *should* be there, I picked what I thought would be the best machine, and parked myself in front of it, for lack of anything else to do. Another hauler arrived, and we got to talking. I just happened to look into the isles, and on the other side sat a row of machines. Something told me to go up there. I guess the other hauler was looking for his usual machine, too. So off I went, and ahead of me, I saw the shipping manager. Ugh, great. By the time I got close enough to read numbers, I heard a door close. Yes! She'd run off into her office, as usual. I saw the machine I was looking for, and no one around. Hey, someone up there listened to me. Then I decided I had to get the hell out of there, so for the first time ever, I actually logged in (apparently, you have to be on the clock already...guess the other haulers don't care..), and quietly took off. She had a full battery and all. I got back, and parked it like it had been there all along, then looked back at shipping and laughed. Hey, you missing something over there? Fucking bitch. So far, I'm ruling this day. This machine is, in my opinion, the easiest one I've ever had to drive. Not too much pressure on my hand or arm, runs great. More about my health than anything, that's why I'm so picky over which ones I get. Hamilton even came back, now this day is going to be awesome. For the record, I'm officially sick of D dock. I was there again, but ended up floating around everywhere. If there was production, I'd find it. It ended up being a light day, and I missed my daily goal by one. One measly pallet. Ugh.

Saturday I noticed that my arm was hurting pretty bad, and I'd now lost feeling in my middle finger. Great. What next? One I could deal with, but this is getting to be too much. We were light again, and even though I was excited to have C dock (and not D for once), I *still* ended up hauling off of D. Grrrr. I actually found it funny. I tried all I could to be even more aware of how I was gripping the handle on the machine, and after coming home, I decided I *had* to do something different. Hamilton was back, and I already knew that Sunday would find me on A and B dock. Perfect! Tier racks, and the perfect opportunity to change things up a bit. 

It happened as I predicted, and I was put on A and B. I started off driving right-handed (remember what I said before about it not being a good idea?). Coordination be damned, this is about my health, and the fact that now I have to live with this the rest of my life, and arthritis will be a BITCH, I decided now or never. I went to A dock (thanks to Earl's guidance from very early on), and there were only a few tier racks left over from the day before. I practiced by delivering some empty tiers to the unloaders. I had to play around and go slow, to figure out which way to turn (now that I'm really 'backwards') to make the forks turn. I did this off and on as the day wore on. If I went into the isles, I hauled left-handed, and would switch after dropping off a load. I found out I can not turn right-handed; my arm just doesn't know how to make such a turn, and the machine would end up heading for a pole, object, etc. I thought back when I was training, and remembered that while I did struggle for a bit with *left* turns, it wasn't nearly this hard. So anytime my left arm would get tired, or if I knew I had to make several left turns, I'd switch. It wasn't easy, and I even dropped a pallet right off the bat upon making it into the isles. I misjudged the distance between myself and the side of the isle. Being on the left side is so easy and comfortable to me, but something has got to change before I end up having to amputate my own hand. I like this job, but I can't continue like this....

So where does that leave me today? I'm sore, tired, and unsure what to do. Today is my only free day, but I don't want to sit around. I'm going to drag my weights out, go swim, try to loosen up these sore muscles. Dentist tomorrow, lunch with my sis sometime this week, and a housewarming party for a co-worker. My week is already gone, but somehow, I don't mind. 

Going to enjoy the quiet while I can.

GDO (not GNO). I hate that acronym for some reason.

Music: Shogun- "Amplify" 
12:30am and way too late for me to be up.

I am not ready to go back to work. More like my arm hasn't had enough time to heal for me to go back to work. I can deal with whatever else (aaand I just opened up a can of worms), just please let me find a good machine! Grrrrr.

It's been a productive week. Monday I was so tired I couldn't see straight. I spent most of the day and night blissfully chained to my bed, watching whatever caught my attention on TV. I did get to meet with a friend for lunch, and was happy to see her again. We had a nice chat and caught up on each other's lives. Tuesday I finally decided I'd healed enough from the last round of torture, and called the dentist and made my next appointment. The next step! My time is running down, as I still need to schedule the surgery and be sure to get the vacation time so I can get it done. Our peak season is literally right around the corner. Seems like we just had this....

My mom and I spent the day together, looking in stores, and I took her out to eat (a late Mother's Day present). We had a good time. Weather wasn't on my side, so no swimming for me. Middle of June, and the weather sucks. But yet...there's no global warming......

Later that night, after my friends told me they were bailing on our trip the next day, I wanted to decline as well. Every single time we try to get together, something comes up it seems. I understand some friends' situations, but then I get the last-minute 'oh, by the way..' excuses from others. My girlfriend was mad, and I was upset. I get the suspicion that someone wasn't honest on their part, and that angers me. I didn't bring this up with my girl friend. You don't want to go, say you don't want to go, simple as that. I even told my girl friend I no longer wanted to go since no one else was coming. But, after doing some thinking, I asked myself 'so, what's YOUR excuse?' I decided if my girl friend was still going to the mall, hell, I should go, and have fun. Maybe it was anxiety from our last (in my case, failed) trip out there, who knows. So I messaged her back after an hour and said I still wanted to go. I needed to get out of the house, and I felt bad for her going by herself, especially these days. Everyone else will miss out. 

So she and I went to the mall, and had a much better experience this time around. No bitchy people. We shopped and I even found some stuff, which surprised me. She and I had a blast, laughing and talking and catching up on events and people. We walked the entire mall. We stopped to grab a bite to eat on the way back, and sat and talked and laughed and stuffed ourselves silly. It was a blast. When we got back to my house, she even set up my messenger so we could have a new toy to play with. I love that kid to death. I just wish everyone else hadn't bailed. 

I still have a lot to do before the end of the night. Time is running down fast. I feel rushed, like there is a weight back on my shoulders. The anxiety is starting to creep back in, and I'm not sure how to handle it. One day at a time......

I'll come back strong, like I always do.