Music: Trance compilation on YT.
7:30p
As I sit here and count the days, hours, and minutes, I am feeling oddly calm. Of course, the real fun hasn't started yet, and I'm just waiting for the emotions I know are coming, to set in.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of not doing my job right. I have so much more to learn, and everything is being thrown at me all at once. I am determined to use what I learned last Sunday and apply that to my last weekend of work. I know what I have to do, I just hope I do it right.
I'm nervous. I'm nervous about the surgery. There is always a possibility of side-effects, but I don't believe that is what will set my nerves on edge. Sitting in that office on Tuesday, waiting to see my X-ray and discuss things with the dentist, it became more real. But, I'm also happy. Happy to finally have this behind me, and no more having to kill myself to wedge food from behind that stupid tooth. I've felt nothing but bliss since having my right side done, and in a few more days, I'll have no more to worry about. Everything will be back in balance, then on to the next and final step in this journey. I've got the moral support I need for next week. John will be there, and before I could discuss the plans for Tuesday, he beat me to it, asking me what time he will need to be at the house the morning of. Having him there means the world to me (even if he will be taking full advantage of my post-anesthesia ramblings). I'm still nervous.
I am determined. Determined to start getting everything in order, and start paying off all these medical bills, so I can finally start to claim some independence. My car is almost totally paid for (even though I've really put some miles on her the past couple months), and I'm still compiling a list of apartments I want to check out. I'm determined to make 2014 an awesome year!
My 30th birthday is a month away. I think that feeling is starting to set in. That feeling of what have I really accomplished. Of 'oh my God, I'm not in my 20's anymore'! Of 'oh my God, I'm 30'! Okay, so what have I accomplished? I've done so much with my job the past 10 years. I've never quit, never given up. Made many accomplishments, made many friends, and gotten more praise than I feel I deserve. So that might not be a lot, but it's mine. Personally, I'm getting what I want in the form of getting this problem fixed, so I can finally start living life, not having to hold back. There's still things I want to do, from a musical standpoint. This is only the beginning. 30 will come no matter what. I have so much to be thankful for, and THAT is an accomplishment in and of itself!
Blessed. I don't know how I became so blessed with John. What did I do to deserve such a great guy? He really takes care of me (even though I don't need it :) ). He looks out for me. We have so much in common. I've been so blessed to have spent the time I have with him the past few weeks. He's like my best friend, and that's what I'm looking for. Someone I can joke around with and insult and we just laugh it off. Someone I can tell everything to. I know he'll be leaving soon, so I'm enjoying every minute I have with him.
It's that time again, another weekend of busting my ass in the Texas heat. Some peak season this has been. No overtime, but I guess I'm not really complaining, because that's more time spent doing other things. Oy. The money would still be nice, though.....
Until next week.....I'm out.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
Too early for this.
Music: Shogun- "Amplify"
12:15p
I can't believe how fast this month is going, already. I wish I could slow things down. But, that could always be a bad thing. Why is it that the older you get, the faster time goes? I don't think we'll ever know the answer.
I busted my ass this weekend in the heat and yesterday everything went to hell..quickly. I'm having a hard time keeping up with this job. I can't remember things, or steps. I have to write everything down. I'm two months in now almost, and while I don't plan on getting it down pat overnight (and there's still so much more to learn), I really want to get to the point to where I'm not having to track people down to ask questions. I want to be able to handle my own without leaning on others. It is proving to be a difficult task. I got really angry yesterday, and it was all I could do to not go marching off to my manger to ask her for better training. I was actually happy when they stuck me on the machine to go count slots. Yes, I said happy. Going up to the top is getting a little easier, as I'm not freaking out as much as I was. I still hate heights. That won't change. And, I was never so happy to get out of that place, even though it was nearly 6:30 when I finally clocked out.
After a very interesting stop at Taco Bell for dinner (those damn kids could not make up their minds what radio station they wanted to listen to; I heard everything from R&B to Spanish, to oldies and new-age), I came home and took a long bath, but it did not relax me. I called John not long after, and the exhaustion finally caught up to me. It was all I could do to not pass out in my chair. I don't even know why I turned on my TV.
This week I am taking time to relax and tie up the loose ends before I have to spend the next week out of commission, so to speak. I spent most of my time last week with John. It was so peaceful, just the two of us and no one else around. I was so happy there, that I was reluctant to make the 45 minute drive back home. I'm still hoping he'll be there with me next week, as my support. I don't know that I can do this without him there.
So, this week, I'm going to enjoy getting out and eating everything in sight, because I'll be spending the majority of this next vacation at home and in bed. Although, the thought of being waited on hand and foot will be nice.....for the first two days. Then, somewhere along the line, I'll become annoyed, then get yelled at for getting out of bed and moving around. I'm anxious, nervous, excited and relieved to finally have this out of the way. But mostly anxious. Right now, I'm enjoying being pain and torture-free.
With that, I'm off to go find trouble like only I can find it.
12:15p
I can't believe how fast this month is going, already. I wish I could slow things down. But, that could always be a bad thing. Why is it that the older you get, the faster time goes? I don't think we'll ever know the answer.
I busted my ass this weekend in the heat and yesterday everything went to hell..quickly. I'm having a hard time keeping up with this job. I can't remember things, or steps. I have to write everything down. I'm two months in now almost, and while I don't plan on getting it down pat overnight (and there's still so much more to learn), I really want to get to the point to where I'm not having to track people down to ask questions. I want to be able to handle my own without leaning on others. It is proving to be a difficult task. I got really angry yesterday, and it was all I could do to not go marching off to my manger to ask her for better training. I was actually happy when they stuck me on the machine to go count slots. Yes, I said happy. Going up to the top is getting a little easier, as I'm not freaking out as much as I was. I still hate heights. That won't change. And, I was never so happy to get out of that place, even though it was nearly 6:30 when I finally clocked out.
After a very interesting stop at Taco Bell for dinner (those damn kids could not make up their minds what radio station they wanted to listen to; I heard everything from R&B to Spanish, to oldies and new-age), I came home and took a long bath, but it did not relax me. I called John not long after, and the exhaustion finally caught up to me. It was all I could do to not pass out in my chair. I don't even know why I turned on my TV.
This week I am taking time to relax and tie up the loose ends before I have to spend the next week out of commission, so to speak. I spent most of my time last week with John. It was so peaceful, just the two of us and no one else around. I was so happy there, that I was reluctant to make the 45 minute drive back home. I'm still hoping he'll be there with me next week, as my support. I don't know that I can do this without him there.
So, this week, I'm going to enjoy getting out and eating everything in sight, because I'll be spending the majority of this next vacation at home and in bed. Although, the thought of being waited on hand and foot will be nice.....for the first two days. Then, somewhere along the line, I'll become annoyed, then get yelled at for getting out of bed and moving around. I'm anxious, nervous, excited and relieved to finally have this out of the way. But mostly anxious. Right now, I'm enjoying being pain and torture-free.
With that, I'm off to go find trouble like only I can find it.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Back to September.
Music: Trance Eye- Baltic Waves
11:50a
I got over the bridge that was going back to work this weekend. Oh yeah, and I burned it after I crossed it, too. It was exhausting, and sometimes boring. Being without my trainer for the first time, it was up to me to do audits on the dock, alone. I learned how to supervise the conveyor lines, being sure labels and numbers matched, and everything was running smoothly. It's nice...until the machine decides to stop every 10 minutes, and you have to stand there waiting. It took me all damn day to reach the 600 cases I needed, because they kept stopping the lines. Real annoying. So I switched between working on the docks, and going back to the lines. Thank God I had a machine to my name, otherwise I'd be completely dead today. I think I spent more time on the machine yesterday than I actually did working. Not fun when you're trying to hit your numbers, but definitely wasn't complaining, either. The orderfillers didn't produce much in the way of good freight for me to work with (and I'm still learning on top of that), and with the lines stopping like they were, I was bored and wanted to go home. After getting pissed off by two co-workers, I was irritated and about to scream. I drove down to the shipping dock to verify freight, if just to get away from people in general so I could cool down and be alone. I started hearing word of different areas having to stay late, and I prayed I wasn't one of them. I left on time, and didn't look back.
I was in such a rush to get this weekend over with, if mostly to see John again. His trip may be delayed a couple of weeks, which gives me more time with him, but at the same time, it's only prolonging the inevitable. I know eventually he has to leave. I'm hoping he'll at least be here still on the day of the surgery. Moral support if anything else, and that would mean the world over to me to have him there. I still don't know about the whole (curse you James for making me say this)..boyfriend...thing. It's not fear that is holding me back, just the principal of the fact that I have one in the first place. It's not something that happens to me. I've never, in all my 30 years, had someone I can call a real 'boyfriend'. Guys have come and gone out of my life, but nothing ever *that* serious. This is totally different. And at the same time, so very exciting.....
I know I have to focus the next couple of weeks; this next month and a half is going to be super busy. So much to do, so little time. October is now literally around the corner. I have to balance everything (after all, it's what we Libras do), and find that place to go if things get chaotic. This is what I've been patiently waiting for.
It's Labor Day, I'm getting paid to go have fun. Happy holiday, I'll return soon.
11:50a
I got over the bridge that was going back to work this weekend. Oh yeah, and I burned it after I crossed it, too. It was exhausting, and sometimes boring. Being without my trainer for the first time, it was up to me to do audits on the dock, alone. I learned how to supervise the conveyor lines, being sure labels and numbers matched, and everything was running smoothly. It's nice...until the machine decides to stop every 10 minutes, and you have to stand there waiting. It took me all damn day to reach the 600 cases I needed, because they kept stopping the lines. Real annoying. So I switched between working on the docks, and going back to the lines. Thank God I had a machine to my name, otherwise I'd be completely dead today. I think I spent more time on the machine yesterday than I actually did working. Not fun when you're trying to hit your numbers, but definitely wasn't complaining, either. The orderfillers didn't produce much in the way of good freight for me to work with (and I'm still learning on top of that), and with the lines stopping like they were, I was bored and wanted to go home. After getting pissed off by two co-workers, I was irritated and about to scream. I drove down to the shipping dock to verify freight, if just to get away from people in general so I could cool down and be alone. I started hearing word of different areas having to stay late, and I prayed I wasn't one of them. I left on time, and didn't look back.
I was in such a rush to get this weekend over with, if mostly to see John again. His trip may be delayed a couple of weeks, which gives me more time with him, but at the same time, it's only prolonging the inevitable. I know eventually he has to leave. I'm hoping he'll at least be here still on the day of the surgery. Moral support if anything else, and that would mean the world over to me to have him there. I still don't know about the whole (curse you James for making me say this)..boyfriend...thing. It's not fear that is holding me back, just the principal of the fact that I have one in the first place. It's not something that happens to me. I've never, in all my 30 years, had someone I can call a real 'boyfriend'. Guys have come and gone out of my life, but nothing ever *that* serious. This is totally different. And at the same time, so very exciting.....
I know I have to focus the next couple of weeks; this next month and a half is going to be super busy. So much to do, so little time. October is now literally around the corner. I have to balance everything (after all, it's what we Libras do), and find that place to go if things get chaotic. This is what I've been patiently waiting for.
It's Labor Day, I'm getting paid to go have fun. Happy holiday, I'll return soon.
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