Batteries not included. Although, I wish someone would have supercharged mine.

Music: Random trance on YouTube. (always looking for new songs!)
4p

As I wind down another week, I'm feeling accomplished in some areas, while others needed some serious attention. 

Sunday night, after a long and exhausting weekend, I expected to sleep for 12 hours without any interruptions. I knew what was coming this next week, after an entire week of mood swings, food cravings, (among...other things...). I hardly slept at all Sunday night, and first thing Monday morning, my suspicions were right, and there went my Monday. I spent the whole day locked up in the house, cleaning here and there, and taking out my irritation doing what I love: I dragged out my N64 and finally found a working TV to hook it up to, and played Rampage. Perfect game for the PMS'ing woman in your life! When you can go around blowing shit up and eating people, it's a good day.

I didn't sleep again Monday night. I had to be up early on Tuesday morning to go get my car inspected. Thank God I don't have to worry about it again until next December! My mom and I decided to head out to the mall in Humble to finish our Christmas shopping. It was a productive day; we both found what we were looking for. I found some winter shirts in Areopostale (they are always having sales, which is why I love going there), and while waiting in line, I met a very nice lady. We discussed kids and clothes, Christmas, and last minute-shoppers. It made waiting in line for 30 minutes seem like nothing. I'm glad there are still nice people left on this planet.

We wanted to leave the mall before rush hour, and my friend Alyna texted me, asking if I was coming by to see her. She works at the bank by the mall, so I stopped in for the first time, and said hi. I told her I still had her birthday present in my trunk, and she suggested I come over to her place after she got off work. My mom and I went on to do our grocery shopping, and I had just enough time to get home, clean up the mess I'd made in my closet while trying to find something to wear (I have way too many clothes), and hide presents, when Alyna called me and asked if I still wanted to come over. I grabbed my stuff and headed over there. I played with the baby, and helped Alyna wrap presents (I am a terrible wrapper, haha). We talked and watched TV until James was ready to be picked up from work. I had parked behind Alyna's car, forgetting she may have to leave to go get him, so I offered to go pick him up. I brought him back safe and sound, and he cooked dinner for us...at midnight. :P We hung out a little longer and talked about one of our *dear* friends...gag. I'm sure some reading this know who I am talking about. After a lengthy conversation, I left, super tired and ready to crash. I came home, and was wide awake. Especially after what I read on facebook, my blood pressure was up, and I was ready to kick said dear friends' ass. And why does it still bother me so much, after all this time? After re-hashing with Alyna and having flashbacks, it opened the hole again, and re-ignited my anger. And I feel a confrontation coming on soon....


Sleep once again evaded me Tuesday night. When will it end? I was planning on catching up and sleeping in Wednesday morning, when my phone decided today would be a good day for me to be popular. I got a text from Amy saying she was headed my direction, and wanted to meet up to exchange Christmas gifts. So I figured I'd lay down a few more minutes. Don't bother me again, phone! Damn if 5 minutes later, it buzzes again. This time, it's Laura, telling me about a sale at her job. I texted her back, and lay down again. Okay, no more! I don't wanna be popular anymore! This is too much work! I'm still not fully awake yet, and just want to sleep a bit longer. I close my eyes...and bam, like clockwork. Alright! I'm up! I got ready, and Amy arrived. We went and had lunch, and looked around walmart. I finally finished up the last of my Christmas shopping. I came home and started the pain-staking task of going through clothes, but by this point, exhaustion was catching up with me. I decided to take a short nap, and I mean short, because the kids had come home from school, and were now playing and screaming in the street. But I felt better. 

After dinner and some more N64, I put in a movie and lay down to watch it. I finally crawled into bed around 1:30. I had just fallen asleep, and was finally getting some good sleep when I woke up to a raging storm.  I reached over to turn on the TV like I normally do when a storm happens at night. Nothing. I figured I wasn't pointing at the TV good enough. Still nothing. I opened my eyes, and noticed the room was darker than it should be. Too dark. My computer lights weren't even on, cable box was out. Oh, fuck. No power! I got out of bed and unplugged my laptop, switching it to battery power. Duh, you sleep-deprived idiot! No internet! I turned on my phone, and saw it was only 2:30. I'd only been asleep for an hour. I brought up the Radar. Holy blown transformer, Batman! Where the hell did that squall line come from? Alright, no more being caught off-guard! I'm a wanna-be storm chaser for cripes sake! Curse you, you meteorologists for not putting your multi-billion dollar technology to better use. 

I left my laptop on, adjusting the power settings so the computer would turn itself off after an hour, letting me have some light at least so I could get back to sleep, and not have to run down all of my battery power, just in case. That's the last thing I remember.

The next time I woke up, I figured it was around 10 or so, time to get up and start my day. I felt oddly better, more energized, more energized than I should. Hmm. I reached over and grabbed my phone. 

It was 1:05 in the afternoon.

Holy crap! My phone wouldn't lie, right? Maybe I slept through the end of the world, now it's all ass-backwards. I turned on my TV. Maury was on. I still needed some more confirmation. I looked outside. Yep, sun was pretty high in the sky. What a beautiful day it w--holy crap I slept until 1 in the afternoon!! I still had so much to do! 

I got up and got dressed, and had enough time to go to the bank and go put gas in my car, before it was my lunch time (remember that strict Thursday schedule I mentioned a while back?). I ran by Burger King, and after lunch, cleaned the windows on my car, and straightened up my room, even putting my bed back together. Now I'm ready for another weekend at work. My day started way later than I'd planned on it starting, but I got the sleep I needed, or else I'm not sure how I would have made it at work tomorrow. I feel better, Mother Nature is done with me for the moment, and it's nearly Christmas! Let's get this weekend started!!

If I don't get a chance to update this before the big day, Merry Christmas, ya'll, and I'll be back with my year in review very soon. Peace. :D 

I swear they kept falling from the sky....

Music: Newly found favorites on YouTube
8:25p

I'll be updating this in three parts (if I can manage). Today was a Twilight Zone day..wonder what we will call tomorrow? If it was anything like today, I'm seeing a part two in the not-so-distant future. Froze my ass off all day long (this is what happens when you don't dress appropriately, and Mother Nature decides to screw with the weather), production was touch-and-go, pallets kept dropping on me out of nowhere, I would have settled for BB-Q, and, oh, yeah...I broke my machine. Again. Must be a habit. Thank God the load wheel decided to fall off five minutes before they called us in for the day! I had to drop off the machine with maintenance, and walk (toting my box full of shit and all) back to my dock. So I guess that was the irony for today, and what that is exactly, I'm still not sure, but I found it funny. Even funnier when people passing by gave me strange looks. Yes, I know, there was me and my box, no machine. Even funnier when I got stuck in traffic waiting for the not-train right by work. And even funnier when I flipped a person off for cutting me off, going nowhere fast. The fuck where you gonna go, dumbass? Ugh, I hate people. I especially hate that unloader for giving me lip about her production. Damn bitch, don't you know that I am FAR better at giving an attitude than you are? Honey, I've had 30 god damn  years of practice. I let her know that, too. Shut her up, it did. What? I can't always be known as the sweet one. 

Day one, it's over...thank God. I'm still freezing my skinny ass off, I'll be surprised if I make it through December without getting sick. Again. Maybe it's the damn icy-hot I just rubbed on my shoulder. Damn my shoulder hurts. Hmm. Think tomorrow I'll dress in layers. I can't stand being cold. Being cold sucks. What's really funny is my sarcasm throughout this blog. Those that know me well know my sense of humor (or lack thereof). 

Friday night: If I make it through to Sunday night, god dammit, I'm getting drunk. That is all. 
__________________________

Music: Toy Story
8p

Day two: I should have kept my ugly mouth shut.

If yesterday was straight out of the Twilight Zone, today was complete hell. Another 'anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and will continue to go wrong until the end of the day.' Except this time, it was on steroids. With a piano dropped on its head (oh, did stuff drop..). Ran over three times with a couple-thousand pound machine, and beat with a baseball bat. There, I think that covered it. 

I'm not even sure where to begin. Unloaders did not have tier racks, and I had to cross three docks just to get them, killing my production already, plus hollering at my manager for not getting someone down to my dock to downstack the tiers. That took up my first hour. Production: zip. Unloaders were getting pushy, and thanks to Sonia showing up late, I ran the entire show. 

Second hour: my machine decides to lock me out, mid-transit. Least I knew what to do this time around, and didn't crash into any walls! Pure sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell. So down to maintenance I go, and damn if the computer didn't do it again. So of course the guy takes it for a quick spin...and it doesn't do it. Of course! So I take it back, make it back down to the opposite end of A dock, and damn if that bastard didn't do it again. So once again, I run back down to maintenance. They advise getting a new machine, and leaving the bad one behind, and they'll come pick it up later. So down to my manager's office I go, no machines. I inform my manager what's going on, and she tells me she'll get me some help down to A and B dock. About time! I run down to the orderfilling office...no machines. By this time, I'm ready to walk out the door, and go back to bed. I run down the shipping side, and finally come across a machine sitting alone in front of a door. Jessica and a guy were loading, so I asked them if they were using the machine. I got on, logged in, ready to take off...and nothing. Damn battery was dead! UGH. It's nearly 8 by this point, no production, I'm ready to scream. Jessica decided to give me her machine, saying she didn't need it, and that it was fast. It needed a new battery soon, but I didn't care. I needed to get going. I told Jessica thanks, and headed off.

So I get the battery, and, okay, now I'm back on track, Enma is helping me out with the unloaders, it's going to get better. 

Who the fuck did I kill in a past life? It just got worse. 

I got the luck of being stuck with hauling folding tables, notorious for falling over, because they put so many on a pallet. Every door. All day. And my title for this I had written yesterday..if only I'd known! And here's the really fucked up part: the unloaders were instructed to stack the tables a certain way, so we could haul them without them collapsing every five minutes. What did they do? They did it THEIR way, leaving our QA guy, as well as our haulers, pissed, and the haulers without production, because those idiots had to go back and re-stack each pallet they'd done wrong, fucking themselves, because that left them with no room at the doors! Several times did we have to go haul elsewhere while QA straightened them out. Fucking third party dumbshits!! IF they'd done it the RIGHT way the FIRST time, we wouldn't have been in that mess. I even called my manager for her to see for herself just what we were dealing with. Morons! It wasn't until the end of the day that all the pallets/racks had been re-stacked, and though they kept falling, too, at times, it wasn't near as many as earlier in the day. I swear, after tomorrow, if I see another tier rack, folding table, or A and B dock for that matter, it will be too soon.

I did manage, once everything was more-or-less straightened out, to bring up production, but this morning just absolutely screwed me. I'd say today was one of the worst days I've had at work since back when I was an unloader. I'm having flashbacks I don't want to have. I keep trying to push them down, down, down, but it's like trying to shove an inflatable ball under water; ain't gonna happen. It just keeps popping up.

Like I said, if I make it to Sunday, I'll be one happy bitch. Today sucked. I'm forgetting it ever happened. The positive thing about today is that I'm alive to see my bed again! With that said, here's hoping tomorrow goes much better.

That is, if I decide to even get out of bed.
_____________________________________

Music: Christmas Carol on AMC
10:48p

Day three: it's over! Thank God! I'm too tired to get drunk, for I won't need the alcohol to sleep tonight. Today was the best day  out of the whole weekend, even though it still wasn't the greatest, but still far better than the last two, including yesterday! So obviously, I got out of bed this morning. :P

The unloaders behaved themselves today, I had plenty of help on my docks with providing tier racks and pallets, and hauling off yesterday's freight. We got stuck with the stupid tables again, and still had issues with them falling over, but nothing like what it was yesterday. I didn't break a machine today! Production went better, and would have kept getting better had we not had to wait an hour for QA to verify anything. Four docks, and not one tagged pallet we could take away. Haulers were pissed, and running amok, trying to find something to do. Even resorted to taking stray pallets that were hiding among the un-tagged freight. Add that to the 30 minutes I had to spend waiting for someone to come change my battery (they were on break..what great timing). I chatted with a guy from shipping about the differences between Texas weather, and Chicago weather while I waited. 

Throughout the day, I noticed people leaving every so often. The loaders on my dock closed up around 2, and I noticed how quiet the building had become. Everyone had left. Only us haulers and a few unloaders remained. Lucky bitches! The other areas got to go home early, while we had to stay and be pissed. :P I'm happy I got my hours, but it's pretty depressing when you get to watch your friends clock out and head home early on a 'Friday'. It was kinda fun having the whole building to myself so-to-speak, not having to worry about anyone being in my way. Just wish those damn golf carts wouldn't keep popping up out of nowhere. Or tables falling. I don't want to even look at A dock next weekend..I've had my fill for a while. 

One more week until Christmas! I'm excited, but I'll be happy when it's over. This week is going to be fun! :)

My brain stopped working an hour ago. Show's over, go home.

So this is what happens when you play dirty.

Music: Thunder. At least I think that's thunder. 
12a

Sometimes, I hate living in Texas. Middle of December, and I've got my fan on full blast. It's so hot that I can't sleep. Oh, well, might as well do something productive. 

Another weekend is behind me..yes! It went by quick. That's the best part since I became a hauler; the long work days just blow by. Going in on Friday, there was not one pallet of freight on the docks. So I'm thinking 'what are they going to do with us until the unloaders get going?' I had a gut feeling, but figured they'd have us moving pallets around, or unblocking a door. Word of advice: always go with the gut feeling, because you know that 99% of the time, it's going to be right....

That moment I'd been dreading finally arrived; three months after leaving the hell that I called unloading, they put me in a trailer. Now here's the weird part: no dread, no stress, no worry. It was just one of those things you just accept. Then put it behind you and forget it ever happened.   They paired up haulers to start unloading, just until some freight started generating. I worked with Pedro, and I was glad, because he and I get along pretty good. We grabbed our machines and headed to our door. I ran and got a computer cart, and for a split second, forgot how to log in for unloading. It came back to me, and it was like second nature. I made it down to the door, and threw it open. I told Pedro 'welcome home!' He replied 'yeah, for *you*!' I had no flashbacks, no negative thoughts. It wasn't really all that weird to be back in a trailer, I was even in a good mood, laughing and joking with Pedro. It was nice to think back how much I'd been through in the past three months, making me all the more grateful. We had light boxes, we got a lot done. Eventually, they turned us loose on the docks. I managed to bring up production, though I got a late start. 

Saturday was an early day for us. I hauled from everywhere imaginable. I tried to get every piece of production I could find, especially the shorter hauls. And I was glad I did; the freight was all mixed, and being we left early, that helped immensely. 

Today was something else. I was put on D dock, pissed because that usually meant production would suffer. We were two haulers short; guessing they decided to take the day off or something. I was assigned the dock by myself, so I threw everything out the window, and told myself wherever the freight was going, to take it. I had the fortunate luck of only having four doors open to start out with. They started unloading, but I saw no QA anywhere verifying any of the freight. I figured they were short on their end, too. So while waiting on them, I ran to the other docks to haul. Later in the day, a hauler became pissed at me because I kept appearing on B dock. I had a guy on the inside telling me where the easy hauls were at. I needed the production badly, as D dock still had no QA. This hauler was pissed because I was taking all of his production. Hey, if someone was helping me clear my dock, I wouldn't complain!

It got to the point where the hauler wouldn't shut up about me hauling off of the other docks. I waited for him to say something else so I could get in his face. I felt like I was getting blamed because my dock was backed up, and they wouldn't let us go until most of the freight was gone. QA eventually made it down to D dock, and I just ignored the hauler the rest of the day. I explained to my boss later that I have to go where the production is at, and I still have a job to do, just like everyone else. And, just like everyone else, they'd go down to other docks, too, to get freight, so I couldn't understand why he was so pissy about it. Huh. Must be his time of month. I did my job, that's all that matters. I wanted so bad to get in his face and tell him 'you know, if it's tagged and ready to go, I'm taking it. End of story. Don't like it? Too fucking bad.' And that's what I decided, that sometimes, you have to get mean and play dirty. It's the only way to make it. I decided to stop caring, hell, everyone else does it. My boss totally understood my situation. 

Another good PTL for the week, and it's always good to end the week on a good note. Even better when you get to leave early! What a day. I'm fucking exhausted. 

And a busy week ahead...so excited to see what it brings. Shopping tomorrow! Yay!

The rain's finally here, guess that means I can go back to sleep now. 

Cloud 9 never looked better.

Music: Vojt Van Twistigen-"Naked Rose"

6p

Where I last left off, my week was going pretty good, although lack of sleep was my biggest problem. Since then, I've slept (much better), laughed, cried, laughed some more, and laughed until I cried. 

Vocal therapy was a success...I've been so out of touch these past few months. I feel re-energized, and ready to continue on. Thanks to my friend (you know who you are) for all his help. I worked on my problem areas, and if I have to do another warm-up (I prefer more traditional free-styling to help me warm up), it'll be too soon! I was serious when it was time to be serious, and laughed the rest of the time (kinda like now because he won't leave me alone so I can type this). That's what made my week so good. Friends I can laugh with and annoy until they kick me out. But who the hell in their right mind would want to do that? :P

An old friend got in touch with me last night, and absolutely made my week. I met him years ago on Myspace. We chatted a few times here and there, and I thought he'd dropped off the grid. He seems like a nice guy, funny, too. I'm looking forward to getting back in contact with him. 

All the while, I did some Christmas shopping, and talked to some of my closer friends. This week is ending on a high note; I can't wait for it to continue when I get off work Sunday night.

I can't wait to see what's to come! :D

Yes, I know, this is short, but sometimes, shit happens. :P Peace.

Crystal of nightmares.

Music: Rain+thunder=I could sure use a nap.
7:10p

I've been just a tad more productive this week; I've gotten a little more organized (if you call shoving things into drawers organized), bought a few more Christmas presents, and even started up vocal therapy again (thanks to my friend for letting me borrow their space). Was nice to get away from everyone and everything, and just let go (without having to worry about bothering the neighbors, not that they'd complain). Oh yeah, and I owe you a bag of Cheetos that I downed while doing the Cupid Shuffle in between songs. :P 

I only wish sleep would have fit itself in there somewhere. I'm two days down already, and I don't feel any more energized than I did yesterday morning. Last night was the worst. Nightmares don't help the situation, and I felt the repercussions of another nearly restless night. I kept forgetting things, and was annoyed for a good half of the day. The only thing that really made me flip a switch was watching the storms in Channelview as they chased me while driving back to Crosby. I came home, and opened my blinds, watching the sky get darker and darker, and enjoying an awesome lightning show. Could have probably taken a nap, if not for random banging around as people took turns wrapping presents. Or my phone ringing. I'm just sorry the rain won't be lasting into the night....

I ran into a couple of former co-workers in Channelview. They asked if I was still at the store, and when I told them I'd moved to the warehouse, they were shocked. They asked if I liked it better, and told me I was lucky that I no longer had to deal with customers. When i told them I started out as au unloader, they looked even more shocked. I described what I do now, and they asked if I liked it better. We got to discussing money, and of course I don't tell anyone what I make, but simply said the warehouse pays better. I only wish I'd gotten the overtime so I could have put some money away. Another thing that is holding me back from getting my own place. I didn't think it would turn out that way; I wanted some pad money for Christmas, to get everyone better presents this year, and put the rest away. But I seem to remember some nagging feeling back a couple months ago that told me I'd be getting fucked on that end. And the overtime never came for me, or my area. People were pissed, and even friends that did indeed work some serious hours weren't happy with the way my area was treated. I may just be able to get by in December...if the volume keeps up and doesn't slow down as predicted. 

Until then, the rain has definitely moved off, so it looks like I'll hve to catch up on sleep the old-fashioned way. Or just go straight for the Zquil. Hell, I might just have a drink..I forgot how much alcohol relaxes me. 

That is, after I get past the whole 'bounce-off-the-walls-buzzed' stage. :P

I'm off to go find my version of "Can't Sleep" by Above and Beyond..since my iPod decided to erase it for whatever reason......fucker. 

Here we go again....and again...and again...

Music: "Twilight Overture," by Carter Burwell
5pm

Another week, gone. And what did I accomplish? Absolutely nothing. Am I complaining? No. I decided to just relax this week, and I really didn't want this week to go by as fast as it did. I caught up on sleep, cleaned house, even bought a few Christmas presents. I'm not a fan of last-minute shopping, but I plan on getting everyone taken care of in the next couple of weeks. 

I can't believe December is almost here. Seems like just yesterday I was still working at the store, and making what I had decided would be my very last attempt to get hired on at the warehouse. I had figured that if I hadn't heard anything by the first of February, I'd start looking elsewhere. Now, (yesterday, actually) I have made 10 months at the warehouse. Another two will be my one year anniversary. I'll do my yearly looking-back post when the end of the year approaches. For now, I have to keep focused on my ultimate goal. Tomorrow starts the process all over again. I am so very anxious to move forward, but I keep hitting a wall (ever seen the Sears commercial where the two kids run smack into the refrigerator?); December will be the true test, as Saturday I will officially be at 100% production. I've taken the past couple of weeks and really focused on what I need to do, to get better and better, and I've seen the rewards of it (see last post), pushed out everything else, and kept my mind on work. Three days a week of keeping up mentally, as well as physically. You have to be fast, and  you have to be aware of where you are going at all times. Apparently, it seems to be working, as one of my friends mentioned earlier in the week. That wall I was talking about? It's being sure that I have a 'cushion' so-to-speak. You're never sure what the next day is going to bring, but I am still very much looking forward to moving out on my own, and am still shooting to make my move before summer, one way or another. I just have to be sure I can support myself (without the need for a roommate). 

I'm seeing that light at the end of the tunnel again...it's a little dim, but it is there. I've had to take care of some things financially that I wasn't prepared for, but that's life for you. As I said in my last post, the next three months will be the true test. 

This is going to be fun! :)

So with that said, it's back to work I go........since I didn't win Powerball. :P

I love life right now (until Friday morning). :P

Music: Full Tilt ft. Katrina Noorbergen- "Letting Go"
5pm

This week is not allowed to end. I say it is illegal for this week to end. But it will, sometime. Then back to work I go. Only regret is that I won't be around this Sunday to receive my latest production sheet. And I have a feeling, okay, I *know* this one was better. I busted ass in every literal sense this past weekend, worked hard, kept pushing, even fought dirty (yeah, shocker) to be sure I could snatch up every piece of easy production possible. I made sure to keep something on my machine whenever I could. Friday was a hard day, but I made it through. Saturday was a long, lonely day, being down on A dock again, but we were too busy for me to sit on it for too long. Sunday I had to play a little dirty. Down on A dock, there was some freight going straight across to the isles. Easy pro, as I call it. And dammit if a hauler didn't come down to my dock with his machine that holds 3 pallets compared to my measly 2! So I scanned my two pallets like normal, then leaned down, and scanned the next two that were sitting beside me. I wasn't going to let him take my easy production, because it's my ass I have to be worried about. He wasn't even back-hauling. I went slow and watched as he came back and scanned the 2 pallets I'd just done. I had a laugh, hoping that would show him. Eventually, he moved down to the next door, and grabbed some pallets that were going down to D dock. Sucker. :P
----------------------------------

That post above was from a couple weeks ago, but life and work got in the way, and I was unable to finish it. It was a good week, too! I just had to leave that part up there..I didn't have the heart to delete it, mostly because I was too proud of what I'd done. :P

As I update this, it's the last week of November. Thanksgiving was very nice. Spent my very first Turkey Day with a family that enjoys football (the Texans) just a little too much. :P (no, not passionate at all! buahahaha)  I'm not a football fan per se (except for OU and UT, college teams), but I must say it was pretty entertaining to see all the action. I spent the day in Cypress with my sister and new family. My new brother-in-law, Rob is a trip; he will have you rolling. He cooked ribs, fajitas, and pork chops, and even deep-fried the turkey I brought along (thank you, walmart, for saving my sis a buttload of money on a bird). Never had deep-fried turkey before..it was really good! Rob's family is great; all of them very funny, and very loving and welcoming. And man, can they cook! I'd love to be able to cook like that one day. Well, needless to say, the Texans won their first Thanksgiving game, making Rob's family VERY happy. :) I couldn't stay all day though, as I had to get back to work the next day. What a weekend it was! 

Friday was a hauler's dream. TONS of freight, and most all of it going to the same location, making production a breeze. I was pulling anywhere up to 26 pallets an hour in some instances. Because I'd taken last Sunday off, I knew I had to bust some serious ass both last Saturday, and this past Friday, to bring up my total as much as possible. I wasn't sure how they factored production in that case, so I did whatever it took. Friday was a very good day.

I walked into work Saturday morning dreading another day, but hopeful the good freight would return. My manager walked by as I was looking for a machine, and told me I'd done it again. I gave him a look, and he said I'd out-hauled all of the haulers again yesterday, as I was the only hauler to go over 200 hauls. I was shocked..what do all these other haulers do?? Besides stand around and talk to everyone and their mother. See, if they didn't do any of that, they could pull over 200, too. That's the reason I don't lollygag around, BUT..I'm not complaining by any means! Let them keep doing that, and I'll get all the recognition hahahaha. I had my motivation for another good day, and decided I'd try to top myself. The freight was bad; there was tons of it, but none of it was going to the same location. Time to play dirty again. I  picked my way through everything, finding the needle in the haystack. And somehow, through all that, all that time spent nit-picking, I still was able to make production. I came close to Friday's total, but was not able to top it. I even had a fellow hauler looking out for me. He told me that down on B dock, there were tier racks going right next door to A dock, and to 'get it', as he knew I was trying to bring up my numbers. 

I snatched up every single one.

Sunday, although being just a tiny-bit discouraged, I was so glad it was my Friday. I was once again anxious to get my weekly production report, because I knew I'd done well, but was still worried about what the total would be. I was shooting for at least above a 95%, the minimum it can be. I was going to be in for a surprise later on.

It was the freight-from-hell, part two. The freight was even worse, and the haulers were all sharing the same difficulty trying to find pallets with matching locations. We were all comparing our sheets early on in the day, before our first break. At 8am, I was already up to 50, and each hauler I'd spoken to was wondering how I'd done it. None of them was up to that many yet. Earl told me that a good way to know if you're ahead on your numbers is by your total at any given part of the day. If you're up to 50 by first break, then you're doing pretty good. I'd knocked out a good half a day's work in the first two hours. I kept up the pace, and even though my machine kept giving me trouble, I didn't quit. Before lunch, I was passing by the office, and my manager waved me down. I pulled over, and noticed the stack of production sheets in his hand. This is it. He handed me mine, and I quickly noticed something I'd never seen before: there was a sticker, along with the usual hi-lighted number on the front page.

My production was 121% for the week.

My mouth dropped. I had to look at the name to be sure I was given the right one. I have never had a production score that high since starting at the warehouse, and when I *wasn't* in training. That was all me. I quickly thought back to the fact that I was missing a day, but still just the fact that I'd scored that high...wow. I did my victory dance later, when no one was around (or so I think). Freight be damned, I still had a great day yesterday, laughed with the other haulers, saw friends, celebrated a victory. Around 5 or so, exhaustion set in, along with a splitting headache. We had all of our old freight cleared, and we were all ready to go home, when they told us we were going to stay until 6 to get the doors as cleared as possible for the next shift's unloaders. 

I was so tired; I lost all focus. My headache didn't help things. I was asked to go down to B dock with Pedro to clear one of the doors. So we went down to B dock, and simply parked the machines, and talked to a QA for a few minutes. Pedro was mad, and I just couldn't pull anymore. I chatted with a few RSR's that happened to pass by. Around 5:40, I mentally slapped myself in the face, and decided I'd at least try to make two more trips, figuring that by the time I did that, it would be 6, and out the door I would go. So I left Pedro behind and made my first trip. Down one of the isles were a few pallets, so I slowed down to pass by. The pallet on the back of my forks caught the one in the isle, and down it came. That pretty much did it for me. Headache+exhaustion+downed pallet=oh you shouldn't have done that. Thank God the boxes were light, because that made it easier to throw them back across to the now-empty pallet. Amazing how powerful I can throw when I'm angry. Got the frustration out, stacked them back on the pallet, and so glad it wasn't going much further, because I didn't even bother to shrink wrap it back; I had no space in the isle. All the while, they paged out for the haulers to bring it in for the day. I dropped them off, and while I was just a little disappointed I wasn't able to do another trip, I was more than happy the day was finally over. I took something for my headache before leaving work, just to be able to make the drive home. I came home, ate, showered, put a dvd in the laptop, curled up in bed, and left the world behind. 12 hours of sleep later, I still feel sluggish, but ready to do it all over again.

So now that I am getting better and better, maybe I have really found my niche. I'm not sure what the next three months of my probation/6-month-new job-period will bring, but for now, I will strive to keep getting better, and to get every little number possible. And enjoy life. 

Because it's going by way too fast. 

The end of the beginning.

Music: "Losing Grip" -Avril Lavigne
6pm

I would absolutely love to, one day, drive out to the park in Baytown that overlooks the Hartman bridge, watch a sunset as beautiful as the one I am witnessing at the moment, and just type away on my laptop, and let the ideas flow. In all honesty, like everyone else, I need the alone time every once in a while. Granted, I'm not the type that likes to be alone; I like being around company, around the people who I know will not let me make stupid mistakes. People to keep me grounded and remind me why I am here in the first place. 

I hate this time change. I can't stand that the days are now going to get shorter, meaning that my 4-day weekend just became more like a 2-day weekend. What worries me even more is that I am back to that strange sleep pattern again, something I haven't had an issue with since September. Maybe it's the time change, maybe I really do have a lot on my mind again, and just refuse to face it. I've had strange dreams, and the theme keeps repeating itself. I've had drinking tendencies, and my diet is severely suffering. I have got to figure out what I am going to do, and time is ticking down. I remember my own words from when I was back unloading trucks (which seems like a lifetime ago now, a dream), and that's that I refuse to go down without a fight. I went back very early this morning, after waking up from yet another strange dream, and re-read the blog I posted back in September, after getting the job I had shed tears, blood, and sweat for. I STILL cannot get through it without getting emotional over what I had to endure to get to where I am at now. The emotions hit like a mack truck all over again. And yet, I am still struggling. I have seen both sides now, and I have a gut feeling that I am ready to move beyond it, and see what the world has to offer. And, my gut feelings are usually right.

I'm not sure what the coming weeks and months will bring. I *will* be following the example of those that have stepped beyond their comfort zone, who have taken a stand and said "No more." Maybe this will be my time, I was so sure DC would be it, but now realize it wasn't, and I am okay with that. This has to be my time to finally step beyond this world that I have known for 7 years, and find a place where I can really put my skills to good use. To start my life...finally, to take that deep breath and say "It's time. I can do this. I *will* do this." God has a plan for me, and I believe I finally see it taking shape.

I pray for His guidance these next few weeks and months. I ask for my friends' support and understanding. I ask for the belief in myself, as that will triumph over all, and anything that is thrown my way. 

God bless.

I decided to call in dead tomorrow. Greatest excuse ever.

Music: Se.Ra.Phic-"Heaven Trace"
8:38p

I hate Thursdays. Let's just get that out of the way first. I hate Thursdays. Why? Thursday is my busiest day during my week off. Today was no exception. I woke up later than I wanted to, thanks to me setting my alarm for 'p.m.' and not 'a.m.' when I went to bed. I woke up, ate breakfast, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the tub, cleaned the tub again (this is what happens when you don't clean every couple of weeks), put up clothes, got finances in order, went to the bank, went to the store, came home, ate lunch, cleaned the tub AGAIN (finally got that damn water stain out. Maybe i need to clean houses for a living instead), got my bag for work ready, washed the car, took a bath, and had time to squeeze dinner in there somewhere. I'm ready to surrender already, and it's only Thursday night! I want to lay down and take a nap and get up and mill around til 3 in the morning like I always tend to do! But no, instead, I have to work the next three days. Back to the grinder! Back to not crashing into walls! I'll be ready when the time comes, and hopefully, they'll stick me back down on 'A' dock again, so I can find time to practice driving right-handed, on doctor's orders.

I went and saw the doctor this past Monday about my arm. My ring finer on my left hand has been totally numb for the past three weeks. I was right; my doctor told me I had indeed pinched the Ulnar nerve in my elbow, causing the numbness. So he asked me to start using my right hand more often, especially at work, and with time, hopefully my brain will re-wire that nerve and it will heal on its own. If I keep up the stress I'm putting my hand under, it could wind up being permanent, and I can't have that. So I'm going to have to be fast and a little sneaky this weekend, and see how I can pull off leaning to drive with my other hand. It's awkward, but I have begun doing other things with my right hand this week: eating, twisting lids, carrying things, brushing my teeth, etc, trying to keep the stress off off my injured hand. I'm getting better, and it feels like my finger is getting better, too. I just hope my body can become used to the machine a little better, and my hand can heal.

Other than that excitement, it's been a quiet week for me, and just as well, because of my hand, or else I'd be begging them to let me come in and work. But my department just didn't get the overtime hours that were promised to us. Other areas have been working their tails off the past few weeks. I had my time, it seems, and I'll just be glad when it's over, and I won't have to worry about it anymore. 

So, bring it on, weekend, but I'll sure be ready when Sunday rolls around again. Goodnight.

When it rains, it pours..then pallets fall on your head and you crash into walls. :S

Music: Armin van Buuren ft. Ana Criado- "Suddenly Summer"
1:50a

Guess I am more recovered from the weekend than I thought; 2am on my second night off, and I'm wide awake. Of course, it could be contributed to the fact that I fell asleep for about 30 minutes while watching a movie (guess I just had a 'power-nap', and why does that irk me so much...). Or it could be Mother Nature screwing with me. Guess that explains all the yelling and cursing I did over the weekend.

This weekend was another of those 'straight-out-of-the-twilight-zone' weekends. I don't remember Friday to save my life, except that us haulers had to stay until 7, so naturally I was pissed of, of course. I'll get back to Friday. I was in charge of two docks by myself Friday and Saturday (A and B), and they had  nearly every door open. No problem, really. I made sure to keep clearing out space for each door as the unloaders went along, kind of like a race to keep up. Saturday, they made excuses on why there wasn't as much overtime this year, compared to last year, and all I heard was 'blah,blah,blah'. There are other people getting overtime, from different areas, while the rest of us are just plain getting screwed. Now I learned that they may not send us to the stores this year to help out. It just keeps getting worse! Alright so I'm getting off the main point here. I don't remember what I did on Saturday, or how early I got to leave. Sunday started off great! I was only put in charge of A dock, and had only one unloader under my care. I nailed production by hauling the leftovers off A dock, and hitting B dock, in the first three hours, even while stopping to chat with a few lift drivers! I took my first break, and was ready to get back out and keep the momentum going....

Now this is when the universe got somehow thrown off-balance. I started right off the bat by going down to C dock to see what it had to offer. There sat two double-stacked pallets. Yes! Quadruple hauls! Right off the bat I'm getting four hauls. I picked them up, and went on my way. I turned down the assigned isle, slowly, 1) because I am still not experienced yet and 2) you just have to take your time with double-stacked pallets, and it's hard to trust their integrity. I passed a palled sitting off to the side, and was certain I had passed safely, when I heard the tell-tale sound of tearing shrink wrap and falling boxes. Thinking they were about to fall over in my direction, I jumped off the machine and booked it. I heard a crash behind me, and I didn't stop running until I was sure I'd be in the clear. When the noise stopped, and I wasn't dead yet, I turned around. Thank God the pallets fell the opposite direction! It looked like a demolished tower, and oddly I had a flashback of 9/11, the way the pallets looked. I was shaken up, thinking a pallet was about to come down on my head (my toe was bad enough), the cases themselves were light, so I wasn't worried as much about that.

The shock set in, and I shakily went to investigate; as I was passing the stray pallet, the second set of pallets on my forks clipped it, causing the tower to come crashing down. I managed to flag down a lift driver, Casey (so I can now put another face with a name, thanks to J.R.), and he helped me clean up the massive spill. He was even nice enough to take the pallets to the specified slots. I thanked him, and vowed to never haul double-stacked pallets ever again. 

So, with production shot for that hour, I somehow still managed to bring it back up to 'okay' status, hopefully enough to save my ass. I'd spent 30 minutes taking care of the mess, and had to log myself back on to the machine, as I'd been locked out. Alright, no one was hurt and there was the mishap of the day, but as always, you've got that positive outlook to get you through, now focus and get back down to A dock! I was driving back down to the end of A to grab some pallets, and was coming in at an angle so I could pull in and grab the next pair, and went to crank the handle to slow down. Nothing. I cranked it good another time, still nothing. I was heading straight for the wall! I hit the emergency stop, still nothing! By this time, I was cursing the machine to hell and back, and had no time to think, just hold on and pray. I ran right into the slot and hit the wall. All I was missing was a trip label. Before the shock once again set in, I looked around at the machine. God damn bastard had somehow locked me out! I had just scanned my badge 20 minutes beforehand! And when you are not logged in on the machine, you ain't goin' nowhere. 

I took in my surroundings; I had run into a box of junk, and taken out an old ice machine. Poor ice machine had a worse day than I did. Well, hope they weren't planning on using it anytime soon. I ran to the phone and called my manager, and asked him to come down to where I was at. I was shaking so bad I couldn't stand, and this time I really was upset. Holy crap I just crashed into a wall! Physically, I didn't have a scratch on me, how, I don't know. Jonathan came down with a guy from maintenance to inspect the machine, and I explained what happened. So I forgot about the whole 'just-let-go-of-the-machine-and-hold-on-and-pray-because-it-will-stop-immediately' thing. The maintenance guy took the machine for a spin and brought it back, saying he found nothing wrong, and the way they talked, they didn't believe me, even though they saw the damage. So, this guy that had worked for the company who manufactured the machines had no explanation for why the hell I just got locked out, and could have been hurt, or worse? That pissed me off, but I told them I would keep the machine, just because of the fact that it is easy for me to steer, and I'd keep a VERY CLOSE eye on it. 

I didn't get a lick of trouble out of it after that.

So after I calmed down, and talked to the two guys, I got back on and started up again. I kept focused and hit production the rest of the day, in spite of the day I'd had. And it was a pretty good day! Even though I had those two events happen, it was still a good day. Later on, I passed up Jonathan and he motioned for me to pull over. He walked up to me and informed me that on Friday, I had out-hauled all of the receiving haulers in our building. My mouth dropped. I kept saying 'no I didn't!' in a shocked 'i-want-proof' voice. He just shook his head slowly, 'yes, ma'am'. He walked away after that, and I swear I stood there for five minutes saying 'no I didn't!' to his back. Talk about a motivator! Now I'm anxious to see my production report. They finally let me go around 5, and I was never happy to get out of there, mostly because of my arm hurting from working it so much, and never so happy to put that weekend behind me.

Whew, I've been at this for an hour now, and I believe it's time for bed. What a weekend, and I'll be interested to see what this next one will bring. Hopefully everyone will be back together over in my 'home' building, some of my closer friends/buddies have been slaving over in the other building. I miss them. 

More as it happens...show's over, folks. Goodnight.

Let the party begin! (sort of)

Music: "On the Floor,"-JLo
5:20p

I've had another one of those emotional weeks again. From being focused on work an extra two days, to wanting to break down on Tuesday night for apparently no reason other than I was exhausted by this point, to feeling excited for Friday, being upset last night when a friend and I had a fight, then forgetting everything and just kicking back a few Mike's and feeling completely elated and not a care in the world. And now, I'm back to being torn between being excited for tomorrow, and being focused on getting work done. 

So let's work backwards. Sunday night, I left work, so tired, and wondering how the hell I was going to make it two more days. My arm was hurting, two of my fingers in my left hand have been numb for two weeks (not a good sign). But I knew I had to pull through, and I wanted some overtime, for once. I don't remember anything past the time I got home Sunday night. I tried to sleep a little longer on Monday morning, but I had too much to do before work. I went to work, and they pushed us all across the street, where all the holiday action was going on. They threw me to the wolves! :P That was the first time I'd ever experienced DTS first hand, and it was very interesting, to say the least. The place was filled with stuff, and was a mess. I spent most of the night lost, as this was new territory. Welcome to the world of hauling! Around 1am, exhaustion hit, and I wanted them to put me out of my misery, send me home! I left around 2:30, and didn't get home til 3. Went to bed around 4. Night one, done!

I wasn't ready for another day. I went back in Tuesday afternoon, so not feeling in the mood to do anything but go back to bed. Thankfully, I was back 'home' where I knew my way around a little better, but my mood wasn't in top form. Four days I'd worked already, and this was my first five day pull. I was tired, I wanted to go home, go see friends, have a life. I nearly broke down at random moments, emotions all hitting me at once. Pull yourself together! You can do this! 

After taking a second break, I was too focused on work to notice my mood, but oddly enough, I felt better. They finally let us go around 2. Yes! Two days off! Finally! Yesterday had its ups and downs, and after getting into a fight with a friend, somehow, we worked it out, and it'll probably happen again, that's the type of person they are. Said friend starts an argument, says some less than friendly things, doesn't act any better, and I always end up upset. I finally had enough, and ripped into them. I pray for whoever has to be on the receiving end of that when I'm the one dishing it. After all was said and done, I was hungry, so I grabbed a slice of pizza from the fridge. Hmm, there sat my 6-pack of unopened Mike's. Next night is a work night, here's your opportunity, Jamie Lynn. (Did I mention tomorrow is my 29th birthday?) Fuck it, I'm getting drunk tonight!! Damn was that fun! Always drink from the comfort of you own home, kids, but watch those damn stairs! Those are a bitch to climb when you are drunk! Heather would have laughed at me. :P I think I found my bed around 3:30, I'm not sure. It was dark and I wasn't in my right mind. 

Tomorrow is my birthday! I can't believe I'll be 29! I am excited, but I know I have to focus on work first, and that is a bummer. I am celebrating for real next week, when I get all of my friends together (the one that likes to fight all the time will sadly be absent, but more alcohol for me! lol).  But still, when it's your day, you want to have some fun am I right? I am working straight OT hours tomorrow, and that right there is my motivation to make it through the day. I'll be 29, and oh my God where did this year go??  Am I another year wiser? Hardly, but I've learned some tough lessons this year. I didn't meet my main goal I'd set for myself when I turned 28, but I did cross one thing off of my list, and this is only the beginning. 

I am off to wreak havoc elsewhere, while I'm still free from being on a machine all day. Let the birthday wishes commence! :D Oh, and, have a good day. :) 

Where's the 'pause' button?

Music: random shit on YouTube
12:05a

Dear clock/time/whatever...can you please stop moving so damn fast? It's already October 3rd for crying out loud, and I feel like time is passing way too fast for comfort! My birthday is in 9 days, I'll be another year older, and starting next week, I'll be on overtime at work! I didn't say I was ready for everything to hit so fast, so soon! But here I am, I made it to October, after a year of hammering into my head that this was where I wanted to be a year from now, working the crazy hours my friends told me about, making some big time money. And now, it's about to become reality. The next 8 weeks are going to be interesting, and I'm sure very, very tiring. I've gotten used to the four days off during the week, I'm not ready to let that go, nor am I ready to not have time to hang with friends. Or sleep. Or relax. And I haven't been doing the last two for a week and a half now...my energy was at an all-time low, I felt completely drained. At night when I *finally* crawled into bed after taking an unwanted 4-hour nap each night, I'd wake up every so often, sometimes from weird dreams, sometimes for no reason at all.

Last night was strange. When I finally dragged my ass into bed at 3am this morning, I kept waking up. I would hear the trains blowing by. Next time, I heard the kids running to catch the bus. At this point, I thought about getting up and just forgetting about sleep altogether, as it was 6:30 now, but I was out again before I could really consider it. And that's when I had the dream that really disturbed me, and I woke up, sweating and trying to catch my breath. By then, it was 8am, and I all but gave up, and finally got up. It wasn't a nightmare by any means, just one of those that are created just to confuse the hell out of you and make you wonder about people. I lay there, thinking about what deeper meaning it could have had. And then, today was total deja-vu, and that dream kept creeping back into my memory. It's one I won't soon forget, but I'd really like my peaceful sleep back before the shit hits the fan. I may just go insane from lack of good sleep. 

I spent a good deal last night on the internet (after yet another unwanted 4-hour crash) researching what possible link anxiety could have on all of this, and the signs are (well, *were*, now) all there, and I know I have a touch of it running through my veins right now, plus there were other factors in all of this (Dear Mother Nature: Fuck. You.), and I've never been so completely wiped before. I took another iron pill this morning (as I've been doing off and on this week, trying to peg the problem), and this is the first time in nearly two weeks where it's 12:30am, and I'm not asleep. Now maybe I can get back on a regular schedule...

All that aside, it's been a very lazy, but good week. I'm not ready to see it go, but I have a job to do, and the madness won't last forever, and I'll go on to the next thing..whatever that may be. I'm getting excited about my birthday, even though I have to work, and I'm getting excited to see the benefits of working long hours, even though I know I will be exhausted. 

Things are amping up......

I threw it out on the lawn, right along with all your other bullshit.

Music: "The Ocean" by Paul Van Dyk
9:30p

I'm going to start off with a rant. Ready and go:

So I came across someone's photo on Facebook they had 'shared'. It read, "The definition of beautiful is not defined by using the word 'skinny'". Really. And I've been seeing these photos (each one worded a little different) floating around lately. "A real man loves curves!" This stuff pisses me off, and makes me a little sad. Why? Let me remind you that I am skinny, all 95 pounds of me. I am tiny. And who says that all men in existence, who ever have, or ever will live, have to have someone who is 'thick', or 'curvy'? It makes me SICK to see this kind of stuff floating around. Who says a man doesn't want a woman with a little less curve? My ex-boyfriend was just as skinny as I was (with a little more muscle), and it didn't bother the other not one bit. Society says we have to look a certain way (talking about women), and even then, it's STILL not perfect. So what's 'perfect'? I'll answer that for you: there is NO SUCH THING as PERFECT. We all come in different shapes, sizes, and heights...I am nowhere near beautiful, I don't have a pretty smile or even a straight walk. But I'm here, and I am still learning to accept myself for who I am. But society puts so much God damn pressure on us....it's sickening. My point is, why can't there be something about us, too? About people like me. Girls/women face the most pressure, and I'm sure guys aren't left out, either. I believe society puts so much focus on women, that guys kinda get shoved aside. But I know it's there. My ex went through it, and had a hard time accepting himself. I just wish that people could love others for what is on the inside, not outside. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Accept people for who they are! If you can't deal with that, if you are incapable of doing that, something is VERY seriously wrong with you, and you need your head examined. Fuck all of you that have nothing else better to do than bring others down, when YOU have flaws of your own. My point is, a woman doesn't have to be 'curvy' or 'thick' for a guy to like her. So get the fuck over it!! 


Well, I was going to make this longer and talk about the weekend, but I said what I needed to. Hopefully one day, I'll stop seeing that bullshit on Facebook, and start seeing more positive things. Fuck society!

I'm fucking going to bed. 

Accomplishment is a good feeling.

Music: the news
6:04p

What a week it's been so far. When I left my last post, I was approaching my very first weekend doing my new job. First weekend went well; I spent Friday morning getting some more practice in on the machine, and decided I was ready for the test. I passed, and got my operator's license. I am official! The rest of the weekend was spent learning my way around the warehouse, and training for the actual job. I had a pretty good trainer, and she was always close by if I had a question or needed help. Once I figure out  how to keep up my production, I think I'm really going to like it. Our busy season is fixing to gear up..and things are about to get real interesting. I've never been through it yet..this will be my first one, and I have no idea what to expect.

My free time is about to go out the window. I love my free time! But making extra money is too good to pass up. :) I've seen the proof for myself; it really does pay off!

Now to experience it first hand.

I left work on Sunday tired and sore as hell. I ended up with somewhere around 12 hours of sleep, and still it didn't feel like enough. I woke up early yesterday morning, early for me, wide awake and full of energy. My battery ran out early, though..strange after the 12 hours of good sleep that I got, plus I remembered I had been tired all week. That's when I realized my iron might be low again. I found out a couple years ago that I am anemic, meaning iron-deficient, so my doctor put me on an iron supplement. My last blood work test a few weeks ago came back negative, I was taking vitamins and trying to eat better, so I figured I was on the right track. I found out for sure today it's the iron, so back on the pills I go. 

Geez, I'd like to have one week to where I didn't have to take a pill for something. Is that too much to ask? :P I'd like to be normal for just one week. I'll even take one day. Work with me here!

So after playing nice at the doctor's this morning, I went and had some fun. I went and got all of my long hair cut off, a promise I'd kept to myself if in the event I got the new job. It's beautiful, and it feels great. I love it. I was so ready for a change, and so nervous I wouldn't like the end result (it's my hair, after all), but absolutely loved it when all was said and done. I said I'd do it, and went through with it. I just had a huge confidence boost the past week, especially the last few days. What else can I take on now? :)

After playing nice with the hair dressers, I went and treated my mom to lunch. Everything was super good, and I loved our waitress. She thought my fries with ranch dip was interesting. :P Poor girl had to work a double shift, and was hardly doing any business (Tuesdays are slow days, she explained). I was sure to leave her an awesome tip. :D It was my mom's first trip to Cheddar's, and I feel bad because she doesn't get to go out to eat as often as I do, so I thought I would treat her. :) 

It's been a good day! I feel so much better right now: I'm back on the iron, which will help get me back on track, and I love my new look. Tonight will be spent playing catch-up, and torturing my friends, because they are foaming at the mouth (literally. some more than others *shoots a pointed glare in her direction* More like a death glare!) to see the picture of my hair. 

I'm so evil, I can barely stand it. Time for the reveal! :D

The show's over, go home!

One word: Wow.

Music: Lizzie Curious' Melodic Mix
7:16p


I have thought and thought about how to begin this (since last Wednesday to be exact, but put it on hold, thinking I'd be able to come back to it later that night, but plans change-for the better!-sometimes), but I figured this would be as good as any: I start weekend number two this weekend in my new job. That's right, my prayers were answered, and I am now a PE hauler for my department at the warehouse. This will be my first full weekend. I am excited..for the first time in six months, I am *excited* about going to work. Still nervous, though, as I am trying still to train my mind to not be so stressed out on Thursday nights, and get out of the 'unloader' mind frame. But I am still in shock....these past few weeks have been some of the most nerve-wracking, unpredictable, happy, shocking, scary, and exciting, probably in my entire life. I went through every emotion possible. I was literally facing my darkest hour. I didn't know where I was going to end up; unloading was very slowly finally taking its toll, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I was at the breaking point. 

It was August 19th, and that date may stay with me for a very long time. That Sunday morning, I knocked out my goal for production, and was in such a great mood; I was going home early after a long, busy weekend, and had nothing but getting this job on my mind. I'd applied for a hauling position not a week before. But before I could leave, my manager pulled me aside and took out my latest production 'report card'. I hadn't made goal for the month, my scores were VERY low, and I already had four marks against me prior to that day, which meant I was now going to get written up, and when you're working at a warehouse and on production, that's pretty serious. My manager explained that HR would be writing me up, the one thing I'd been dreading, but always knew it might happen.

There went my day, and my outlook that just an hour before had seemed so possible. Like a dream that turns into a nightmare, only you can't wake up. 

I slowly made my way home, in tears and watching my last shred of hope disappear. I didn't know what else to do. Surely I had to get this job, and if not, I had no real backup plan. There was no way I could stay any longer in the job I was doing and keep on the decline, job-wise and health-wise. 

I panicked.

The night didn't get any better. I talked to two of my closest friends, James and Jessica throughout the night, while keeping a VERY close eye on my job site, staring at it, willing it to change and say I got the job. My only option left was to go down to work very early the next morning (on my day off), and talk to HR about my job options. James suggested I just call, but I just had this feeling, a gut feeling that I was supposed to actually drive down there and talk to them in person. I could see myself walking into the office, very clearly. My decision was made.

I lost Jessica somewhere during the early part of the night, she was very supportive and assuring, but I just could not get past what I'd learned earlier that day. I told her both her and James my concerns, and they tried so hard to convince me, to assure me that everything would be okay...all I can say is God bless the two of them, because I honestly don't know where I'd have ended up. I had nothing left at this point; I was on the verge of a complete emotional breakdown. I had no fight left, nothing. I was so tired, tired of the stress that was weighing me down for so long. I thought about taking off, just getting in my car and leaving, James even told me I was welcome to join him on his side of town, and I really did start to make the move. I had my clothes in my hand ready to throw them on and just leave. I wanted to talk to someone, I didn't want to be alone. I was so torn, so confused, so much on my mind, so tired, and everything hit at once. How could I still be crying when it felt I had no more tears left? 

James tried to calm me down enough hoping that maybe I'd try to get some sleep (and yes, I really was staying up all night trying to fight the exhaustion). I asked him how was he so sure I'd get this job when I'd been shot down already twice before, and what was I supposed to do if I went down there tomorrow and didn't get the answer I was looking for. He was so confident, so positive, why couldn't I see it for myself?

I couldn't fight the exhaustion any longer, so with one last desperate prayer, I crawled into bed, hoping the darkness would swallow me up, and I could at least escape for a few hours. It was dreamless, but not restful. I had no idea that my life was going to change in just 7 short hours.

I dragged myself out of bed, and made my way down to DC, not sure what to feel. At this point, a train could have run me flat over, and I never would have felt it. I was ready for whatever answer I got at that point. I pulled in, and walked inside, putting my phone on vibrate as I did so. I could have sworn I heard it buzz the moment I tucked it away, but figured it was those annoying telemarketers. I'd deal with those bastards later.

I walked inside and talked to Nancy. When I asked about the job, she immediately asked me my name. We were all confused, them because I was there, and me because I was confused at their confusion. The other lady in the office, Lori, laughed a little, and the lightbulb clicked.

The phone call. The phone call was from them, asking me if I was still interested in the hauling position. 

We all laughed, and Nancy immediately started the paperwork. I stood there absolutely stunned. Did I just hear that? Surely my mind is playing tricks on me after all it had been through the past 24 hours. I had the job...it was *mine*. Not someone else's down the street, or in another area. MINE. Right then, the weight that had been crushing me for so long, was gone. I could breathe again. I looked up to the sky, silently thanking God, while mentally thanking someone else as well. I signed my end of the paperwork, and thanked the two ladies over and over. I calmly walked out of the building, got in my car, and proceeded to freak out. I had to calm down because I had phone calls to make! Not to mention have some fun with people. I couldn't fool my dad, but I punk'd my mom into thinking I didn't have the job, before dropping the bomb on her. They were both so excited and so happy! But I wasn't done yet. I had one more person to tell before I announced the good news to the world. 

I couldn't believe it! After what seemed like a long drive, I finally reached my last and most important destination. I had to have my fun with James, too, mostly because I'm evil like that, but afterwards, I broke down, this time completely happy, and shocked to the core that it really was happening. Finally, I could see things so much clearer, and brighter, and I spent a good half of the day lost in those thoughts. Plans were coming together, I could see my future laid out in front of me. What a difference 24 hours makes! 

And I couldn't leave this out..James played a song for me that day. The name of the song is "Uncross These Lines" by DNS Project. And the lyrics..."There's no way around it now. There's nothing to crowd my mind"..how true, how absolutely *perfect* those lyrics are! I listen to the song now, and smile, and think of how far I've come and what I have been through. This is only the beginning! James and Jessica really did have the confidence in me that I didn't have in myself, and I have learned so much from them. Thanks, guys. :) 

So, weekend number two? I am ready to get back in there tomorrow, and get my license so I can start learning the job. Let's get another weekend rolling....

I will be updating my progress throughout. While writing this, I went through the emotional rollercoaster once again, re-living moments, and crying tears of happiness, because this is what I have wanted for so long. So grateful, thankful, and now I have a lot to prove to myself above everyone else. For those that have stuck with me, I thank you. Here's to the next chapter...

I am the next generation.

No music tonight, folks. What? I've worn my YT playlist to death.
2:12a

So this was something fun my friend and I put together, to help better us with our interviewing skills. He asked questions, I answered them. Simple, right? We picked weather as the subject (we're both die-hard weather nuts). Came across this the other night, so though I'd share..enjoy. 

BR: Okay, let's start from the beginning. How did you become interested with meteorology?

JR: I was nine. Our home was hit by an EF-4 tornado on November 21, 1992. My mom and I were at home, and had just enough time to duck in the hallway before it hit. Thankfully, we were okay. Lost the house, and had to move temporarily while they rebuilt. The tornado was very unique in that it occurred during the Fall..very unseasonable. Not only that, but a tornado that strong just isn't very common here in southeast Texas. When I learned all of this..years later when the internet was just getting going (yes, I'm old enough to remember that!), that sparked my curiosity. I had to know more. 

BR: But you didn't fall in love with it right away.

JR. I lived in fear. I'd see a dark cloud and go scrambling for cover! I was curious, however, about the why and the how. Why did it happen? HOW did it happen? What causes these things? One year after the storm, my dad bought me my very first weather book, and I read that thing from cover to cover. I could not bring myself to read the section on tornadoes for the obvious reason, but I still read it. I wanted to understand it better. But I was scared of it; I'm talking, I had just read up on clouds and what the different formations mean, and I saw a really awful looking sky one afternoon. I knew the signs...I was home alone, so I ran to the neighbor's house! I was about 12. It was a dumb move on my part, because I was in such a panic, I accidentally locked myself out of my own house! My dad was pretty mad. *laughs*

BR: So what was the turning point for you?

JR: A few years later, after watching a bad storm roll through, I'm sitting by my closet with the dog, ready to jump in at any second, and it's like lightning struck (no pun intended). I'm thinking, 'why the hell am I doing this to myself? It hasn't happened again, but when and if it does, you know what to do!' After that day, I finally accepted what was, put it behind me, and that's when I started to respect the weather. I realized I'd been missing out on the more beautiful side of mother nature. It was time to turn things around. I knew what I wanted to do.

BR: But the fire hadn't been lit yet. What happened to push you out of that closet, so to speak.

JR: Two things: 'Storm Chasers,' and Hurricane Ike. When Ike hit, it was my first hurricane I've ever ridden out. I was really nervous; I have no experience with these things! *laughs* So we set up a safe room in my parents' closet. I stayed there all night, listening to the wind howl, and praying a tree wouldn't come crashing through the living room. Although I was pretty anxious, a side of me was wishing the hurricane had hit during the day, so I could take pictures. I had no camera to film with back then; only my Kodak digital camera, and the video feature sucks. So there I sat, waiting for it to pass so we could survey the damage. No tree through our living room! So there I'm sitting, with no electricity, no internet, no phone to call and see if everyone else is okay, just my thoughts. I had to sit through 12 hours of wind and rain, and nothing to show for it. That's when I said 'I *want* it. I want to go through another one. I want that adrenaline rush. I want to see stuff ripping apart, not just see it on tv.' Then I said, 'crap! I need a camera first!' Of course, I buy the damn camera, and *nothing* happens! *laughs* Just can't catch a break!

BR: And 'Storm Chasers'?

JR: The show came on in 2007. Finally, a show that I could get into! Ha. Sean Casey built this huge, I'm talking HUGE tank for driving into tornadoes. I had the chance to meet him, and see the tank called 'TIV.' It was amazing. I loved the show, but not the drama the network seemed to create. I think they painted the chasers in a bad light. See, the chaser community is like a tight-knit family. They all look out for each other. There's going to be some tension, for sure; living on top of a group of people for 8 weeks out of the year will surely have its effect. Unless you're going solo, however, and there are some that do. They chase just for the thrill of it. That's what I want to do, and then some.

BR: What are your goals?

JR: The top of the list? Simple: to help people. To give back. Public awareness and education. Teach people that as long as you stay calm, you'll increase your chance of survival that much more. Knowing what to do if it ever happened to you. Never say it can't happen to you!  So many people came to my family's aid after the storm. One story my dad told me has always stuck with me, even to this day: there was a man who'd lost everything in the storm. He went around the entire neighborhood, passing out brown bag lunches to people. He had nothing, but that didn't stop him. I want to do stuff like that. 

BR: What goes around comes around.

JR: Exactly!

BR: Your goals, meteorologically speaking? 

JR: To learn what exactly causes tornadoes to form. To better understand them. To find out why two identical supercells wouldn't both produce a tornado. What does one have that the other one doesn't? Technology is getting better everyday, and I have a feeling I'll see some advancement in my lifetime. Answers. I want to be a part of that. I want to chase a storm, and capture it on film. I want the thrill of a lifetime, as they call it. But most of all, I want to leave my mark on the world, and maybe inspire other people to do so as well. There's a reason I was put here on this Earth. I'm not going to waste it. 

BR: Study, study, study! 

JR: Yes! That's the best place to start. Get familiar with your terms. If you want it bad enough, it will happen. The other details will fall into place. And, like Reed Timmer always says, 'Never stop chasing.' 
>>>>>>>>>>>