Music: "Sundown," by Chris Lake (I swear I've been singing this song non-stop at work)
6p
'I watched out my bedroom window as things began to change, much too quick. The sky was dark, too dark. It was sunset, after all. This was different. The wind picked up, the trees started to bend over, and I had that all too-familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. In front of me, there was nothing to block my view, no houses, no trees. I swear I've never seen clouds do that before. And that's when I saw it; racing angrily across the field, straight for the house. Ground circulation, but I didn't have to look up to know what was coming. I bolted from my room and into the kitchen yelling at the top of my lungs. The sound was too familiar, and fear overrode everything else. My mom was dead stopped in the kitchen, my dad was sitting by the front door playing the guitar. I ran to their bathroom and climbed in the tub. They stood in the doorway, giving me the weirdest look. I heard the noise again, getting louder this time, closer. It was upon us; I jumped out and grabbed some towels to cover ourselves, screaming the whole time. When I got back in, there were too many. Oh well, we'll at least be protected. I was told to put my head against the wall..right next to the window. Um, won't that possibly break out due to the wind? I could see outside, as the wind pushed the trees over sideways. That sound was high-pitched, and God-awful, it just kept going...we were somehow side-swiped...'
So, that's the last time I watch Reed Timmer's 'Chasing School' podcast so late at night!
Soo..the real reason you came here, yes? The good news!
Sunday was like deja-vu...I ran A and B dock again. By myself. Again. Now, as much as I can't wait until our two new haulers start, having those two docks under your watch isn't so bad, as long as the freight cooperates, which it did on Sunday. Granted, I wasn't able to pull the 300 hauls I'd done just a week before, but I sure came close. I had the luck of not having to rush as much as I'd done before; my docks were slow, not as many doors open. I kept a good watch on what was newer and what needed to go, like now. I cleared all of the old stuff by myself throughout the day, and didn't really need the list (and the list I DID get, nothing was tagged yet). At the end of the day, everyone got shuffled over to D dock to clear out as much as possible. I was happy to get out at the end of the day, but knew it wasn't over yet. I didn't have that first night of good sleep to look forward to..not yet.
I got up bright and early Monday morning (6:30 to be exact). I found a dentist last week that's in my network, and two blocks from my house on top of that. I made an appointment, and they just had to schedule me first thing Monday morning. :S If I didn't at least go in and have my teeth cleaned, my insurance would be void, and it had already been 8 months...uh-oh. So I figured I'd at least get that out of the way, clean teeth, keep the insurance. Done.
I was called back and I talked to the nurse. She asked me about the last time I'd had my teeth cleaned and about having braces as a teenager. I explained I wasn't happy with how I'd been treated at the last place; having to get my jaw broken and teeth removed just to solve this problem. Those bastards just want money! Idiots! She understood completely and informed me that they've had a lot of clients say they weren't happy with Trinity Dental (the place I'd gone to before). So the dentist himself came in and looked at me. They'd taken X-rays, of course. He came in and introduced himself and asked me the same questions as the nurse. I said surely there's a better, easier way to do this. He informed me that I'd be a great candidate for the Invisalign procedure. He explained everything about the process; how long, what it entails, etc. Oh my God, you're my Angel from Heaven. I hung on every word. I had explained before that if I had to do braces again, I'd do them, but this procedure isn't as painful, and won't take near as long.
I asked him would this permanently fix the problem, as my braces didn't really do any good, and he sounded confident this would be the answer. I thanked him and he walked out. I wanted to start crying! I would have, except the nurse started going to work on me, then I really was crying from the pain. That's all I could think about...I'm getting my teeth fixed! My mom and I went to CVS afterwards to pick up a few things, and I broke down in the middle of the isle. I was so happy, but I think I scared my mom. :P I've wanted this for so long. No longer will I have to feel insecure, I can smile with confidence. This will open so many doors for me, and I can go back to singing, my God I want to go back to singing. But I won't have to worry about the weird looks or looking down when I talk to people. I just hope my insurance will cooperate with me, but so far, it looks good. My friends are super excited for me (the ones that care to keep up with what's going on), and I couldn't be happier. That's an answer I can live with...and won't be nearly as painful. And I can take them out when I eat and brush them. I'm truly nothing short of ecstatic right now....
I came home and was so tired and sore all day. I took two Aleve and put in 'Twister'. I cried off and on throughout the day as the events re-played in my head. Now this is what I call a great early birthday present!
I've had a good week aside from that, I've gone out and accomplished things that needed to be done. My friends are super excited for me, and their support means the world to me. I can't wait to see the end result, and to see where this takes me...because it's going to take me far!
If you're reading this, thanks for your support and kind words on my facebook page and throughout. I'll definitely be keeping you updated.
For now, I'm ready to go conquer another weekend at work. Oh, and Happy Easter! :D Go make your weekend great.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
When does it end..
Music: Above and Beyond, "Group Therapy" album
3p
It's been another of those up and down weeks. I've gotten a lot accomplished, except the one goal that keeps just out of my reach. I don't understand...what I've done, or what is going on on the other side. So I continue to sit, impatiently, waiting for the time to come. I'm losing it quickly, though. I still haven't heard from my two friends, and their behavior is catching the attention of my other friends, as well, and I've been questioned about it. I can't figure it out, and doubt I ever will. If they want to spout this crap about how 'yeah, we're close friends', then decide to cut me out of their life like years of friendship didn't matter, then that's their problem. I am angry, bitter, frustrated, confused, and saddened. But it looks to me like they have made their decision.
The weather here was beautiful yesterday. I went to Newport (crossing 2100 during rush hour is NOT fun when you're on foot). I went across to the duck pond there at the subdivision's entrance. I sat for a long time and reflected, and prayed. Whatever is going on, please help them to resolve it. I want them back in my life, I wasn't the one who caused them to distance themselves from me. But I still feel like, "what did I do?". I still have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for, especially in the one friend's case, the one who bitched me out for being sick and unable to hang out one day. I asked God to lift them both up, the two people I care about the most. I asked for something to take the hurt away. I want to speak to them, just once would they just call or message me. I'm not being the first one to initiate it, when I wasn't the one responsible for what has happened. I wish friend #1 would grow up and take responsibility for her actions. As for friend #2, I'm not sure. He refuses to speak to myself or any of my friends.
I finally decided to go on home, while trying not to end up as a smear across a Suburban's grill. When I got home, I posted the lone picture I took of the pond to my facebook. Out of the blue, my old friend Jessica messaged me. We talked for about 30 minutes, about our living situations and money. It was so good to hear from her. She is excited about my getting my own place. After talking to her, my friend John messaged me during dinner, and made me smile for the first time since that morning. I know he has been busy, but that simple 'hi' really made my day. Later that night, I talked to my other friend Jessica, and my old friend Jonathan messaged me, talking about his new Tablet he got. I realized later that God was trying to show me there are still those out there who care, and won't act like little spoiled children. It managed to take my mind off of things, but only for a bit. So when does it end? When do they come to their senses and realize, I never left? I'm only waiting, but I am not sure how long my patience will hold out, and the day they realize, it just might be too late. I'm not waiting forever! I love them both, but it works both ways, and pretty soon I won't have a reason to love them anymore.
You can't love someone who doesn't love you back.
I instead am focusing on getting everything together to begin looking for an apartment. I have already completed the first step; this ball is officially rolling! :D I am so excited, but I know the hard work that is ahead. Next step is to go and actually look at the places I have compiled and talk to people. Get figures, look at places, figure out a good location. And since I seem to no longer have my guide to help me, I'll just have to rely on other things, and hope I don't end up in some ghetto/trashy neighborhood. If you're excited for me, great, if not, then don't let the door hit you on the way out. This will be my main focus for the next few weeks, except, I plan on making time for the people that matter, and when those two friends decide they want to let me back in, it will be a tough decision.
It's a double-edged sword. Until then, life for me is great, and I'm going to share it with those I love, whether they want to hear it or not, and leave the other stuff behind me. :)
3p
It's been another of those up and down weeks. I've gotten a lot accomplished, except the one goal that keeps just out of my reach. I don't understand...what I've done, or what is going on on the other side. So I continue to sit, impatiently, waiting for the time to come. I'm losing it quickly, though. I still haven't heard from my two friends, and their behavior is catching the attention of my other friends, as well, and I've been questioned about it. I can't figure it out, and doubt I ever will. If they want to spout this crap about how 'yeah, we're close friends', then decide to cut me out of their life like years of friendship didn't matter, then that's their problem. I am angry, bitter, frustrated, confused, and saddened. But it looks to me like they have made their decision.
The weather here was beautiful yesterday. I went to Newport (crossing 2100 during rush hour is NOT fun when you're on foot). I went across to the duck pond there at the subdivision's entrance. I sat for a long time and reflected, and prayed. Whatever is going on, please help them to resolve it. I want them back in my life, I wasn't the one who caused them to distance themselves from me. But I still feel like, "what did I do?". I still have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for, especially in the one friend's case, the one who bitched me out for being sick and unable to hang out one day. I asked God to lift them both up, the two people I care about the most. I asked for something to take the hurt away. I want to speak to them, just once would they just call or message me. I'm not being the first one to initiate it, when I wasn't the one responsible for what has happened. I wish friend #1 would grow up and take responsibility for her actions. As for friend #2, I'm not sure. He refuses to speak to myself or any of my friends.
I finally decided to go on home, while trying not to end up as a smear across a Suburban's grill. When I got home, I posted the lone picture I took of the pond to my facebook. Out of the blue, my old friend Jessica messaged me. We talked for about 30 minutes, about our living situations and money. It was so good to hear from her. She is excited about my getting my own place. After talking to her, my friend John messaged me during dinner, and made me smile for the first time since that morning. I know he has been busy, but that simple 'hi' really made my day. Later that night, I talked to my other friend Jessica, and my old friend Jonathan messaged me, talking about his new Tablet he got. I realized later that God was trying to show me there are still those out there who care, and won't act like little spoiled children. It managed to take my mind off of things, but only for a bit. So when does it end? When do they come to their senses and realize, I never left? I'm only waiting, but I am not sure how long my patience will hold out, and the day they realize, it just might be too late. I'm not waiting forever! I love them both, but it works both ways, and pretty soon I won't have a reason to love them anymore.
You can't love someone who doesn't love you back.
I instead am focusing on getting everything together to begin looking for an apartment. I have already completed the first step; this ball is officially rolling! :D I am so excited, but I know the hard work that is ahead. Next step is to go and actually look at the places I have compiled and talk to people. Get figures, look at places, figure out a good location. And since I seem to no longer have my guide to help me, I'll just have to rely on other things, and hope I don't end up in some ghetto/trashy neighborhood. If you're excited for me, great, if not, then don't let the door hit you on the way out. This will be my main focus for the next few weeks, except, I plan on making time for the people that matter, and when those two friends decide they want to let me back in, it will be a tough decision.
It's a double-edged sword. Until then, life for me is great, and I'm going to share it with those I love, whether they want to hear it or not, and leave the other stuff behind me. :)
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
The history behind 'JobotFury'.
Music: Nothing (what? I have to have it on all the time? :P )
1:23a
So in the past, I've had people ask me where the name 'JobotFury' came from. The story really isn't all that spectacular in my personal opinion, but if you're really all that curious (and you know you are), then read on...
The name 'Jobot' came first. When I was little, I was watching some show on TV (remember those stupid kids shows, that are now classics, and you'll kick anyone's ass if they try to knock them today?). These kids were messing around with some really crappy put-together robots. One of the kids, obviously not happy, said something along the lines of 'Robot, jobot. I can do better." That one particular word stuck in my head. I never forgot it.
When I reached high school, I had the fortunate luck of living in the time where cell phones weren't glued to our hands every waking moment. No texting, no Facebook. Instead, my girlfriends and I passed notes during school (do kids still do that?). Whether to gossip, or just to cure boredom, or when we needed a good laugh (Heather was the very-creative artist in our group-I still have her drawings), it was something we all became quite sneaky at (I had a couple of pages taken up by teachers, I couldn't quite master that art). Every one of them had nicknames they'd scribble on top of the folded paper...except for me. I'd never really had a nickname that stuck in my life up to that point. So I thought about it, and the word 'Jobot' popped into my head almost instantly. Well, okay, we've got something here. My real name starts with a 'J', and Jobot just kind of fit when I thought more about it. The name stuck, and I used it from that point on.
A couple years later, I had just graduated high school, and had just gotten my very first desktop computer. I was setting up an account for AOL (which has long been defunct), and started to set up my email address. I knew I wanted to use 'Jobot' (since it was well-known by my friends at this point, I figured it would be easy for them to find me/remember), but jobot@aol.com didn't seem good enough. Something was missing. I needed something to run with it. The answer would come to me later on while watching a clip of some bad storms on the news. The word 'fury' came to mind. I was already an avid lover of storms, and the power and the fury they possess (and if you ask my friend, it also came from the force I possess when I get angry about something. I've never confirmed or denied that claim). So I put the two words together, and JobotFury was born. I now use that name all across the board, most every website (except my FanFiction name, that name is totally different, so as to keep people from easily finding me on the site). I've now had that name for 11 years. It's too much a part of me to change it now.
So, like I said, the story itself isn't really spectacular, but there you go. Plus, I've always found it interesting to hear how people create their nicknames or their 'stage names' as I like to call it. I like hearing the backstories, and then seeing their name in a whole new light. The names come from somewhere, unless you really are just slapping words together, and that's not interesting to me.
It is now 2am and my body still hasn't caught up after such a busy weekend at work. Hope you enjoyed, I'm off to bed. Peace.
1:23a
So in the past, I've had people ask me where the name 'JobotFury' came from. The story really isn't all that spectacular in my personal opinion, but if you're really all that curious (and you know you are), then read on...
The name 'Jobot' came first. When I was little, I was watching some show on TV (remember those stupid kids shows, that are now classics, and you'll kick anyone's ass if they try to knock them today?). These kids were messing around with some really crappy put-together robots. One of the kids, obviously not happy, said something along the lines of 'Robot, jobot. I can do better." That one particular word stuck in my head. I never forgot it.
When I reached high school, I had the fortunate luck of living in the time where cell phones weren't glued to our hands every waking moment. No texting, no Facebook. Instead, my girlfriends and I passed notes during school (do kids still do that?). Whether to gossip, or just to cure boredom, or when we needed a good laugh (Heather was the very-creative artist in our group-I still have her drawings), it was something we all became quite sneaky at (I had a couple of pages taken up by teachers, I couldn't quite master that art). Every one of them had nicknames they'd scribble on top of the folded paper...except for me. I'd never really had a nickname that stuck in my life up to that point. So I thought about it, and the word 'Jobot' popped into my head almost instantly. Well, okay, we've got something here. My real name starts with a 'J', and Jobot just kind of fit when I thought more about it. The name stuck, and I used it from that point on.
A couple years later, I had just graduated high school, and had just gotten my very first desktop computer. I was setting up an account for AOL (which has long been defunct), and started to set up my email address. I knew I wanted to use 'Jobot' (since it was well-known by my friends at this point, I figured it would be easy for them to find me/remember), but jobot@aol.com didn't seem good enough. Something was missing. I needed something to run with it. The answer would come to me later on while watching a clip of some bad storms on the news. The word 'fury' came to mind. I was already an avid lover of storms, and the power and the fury they possess (and if you ask my friend, it also came from the force I possess when I get angry about something. I've never confirmed or denied that claim). So I put the two words together, and JobotFury was born. I now use that name all across the board, most every website (except my FanFiction name, that name is totally different, so as to keep people from easily finding me on the site). I've now had that name for 11 years. It's too much a part of me to change it now.
So, like I said, the story itself isn't really spectacular, but there you go. Plus, I've always found it interesting to hear how people create their nicknames or their 'stage names' as I like to call it. I like hearing the backstories, and then seeing their name in a whole new light. The names come from somewhere, unless you really are just slapping words together, and that's not interesting to me.
It is now 2am and my body still hasn't caught up after such a busy weekend at work. Hope you enjoyed, I'm off to bed. Peace.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
How fast things can change...
Music: "World On Fire," -Above and Beyond
8:05p
Things got better this week. After spending half of Wednesday completely depressed and out of it, I got a phone call from Amy, asking if I wanted to have dinner with her. See, God always has ways of doing things. Guess he heard me the night before. So we went and ate dinner, and she took my mind off things, as we discussed summer plans, birthday plans, work, kids, and everything in between, including friends who are acting anything but normal (or grown up in some cases). Seems she's having her own friend troubles. Okay, seriously, is there a full moon, and we just didn't know it?? Why has everyone been acting so weird lately? It baffles me to no end, but at this point, I can't dwell too much on it anymore, as another weekend at work awaits.
Amy and I laughed and talked and I felt 100 times better than I had all day. I went home, and killed the song, "You Lost Me," by Christina Aguilera, and hey, a good friend of mine was there to witness the whole thing! :D I'm driving down the road, phone beside me, with him on speaker. "Hey, guess what I just did!" And then I proceeded to do it all over again. I. Am. Back! I also talked to John, who cheered me up even more. I am lucky to have those guys. Too bad I can't say the same right now for the other two, who have been acting totally weird, and yes, I'm lucky to have them, too, but I just can't deal with their behavior right now. I have nothing to feel guilty for. They know where to find me when the time comes, that is, if they even care. I can't guarantee either one of them will find me in my normally sweet, friendly disposition. I love those two, I really do, but I just don't know what to do right now. One is still not talking to me, and the other...well, he's still quiet. It seems like selfish behavior to me, but you never know what a person is going through.
I fell asleep listening to the Reed Timmer/Sean Casey reunion podcast online, but there were some interesting stories. After talking to John and Jessica for a bit, I went to sleep, cursing the voices in my head all the way.
I woke up to the Twilight Zone this morning. My iPod was sitting next to me in bed, and when I tried to connect to the internet, nothing happened. Okay, I know my laptop is turned off, I should still be able to connect to the Wifi and...uh-oh. I turned on the tv, and nothing happened. I turned my laptop on. No internet. Shit! Fucking Comcast, what the fuck did you do THIS time?? UGH! I had some financial stuff to take care of before leaving the house, too! Fuck! My cell phone's internet was lagging, too! So I got ready and ran some errands, anyway. Turns out a lot of Comcast users were out for a long time today.
I picked up my friend Jessica, and we went to eat for her birthday. I think she had a pretty good time! We chatted about our crazy friends and their behavior, the good ol' days when we used to all hang out and get crazy (and drive each other nuts), and all kinds of stuff. I had a really good time, and I miss hanging out with her. We definitely need to hang out more. :D
I came home, and we had our cable and internet back up. Finally! We called them, and of course they wouldn't say what happened. That's typical. What is the government up to? Makes you wonder.....
I'm so anxious and jumpy right now, I just want to get that first day at work over with (please, no meetings this time, it fucks up my production. :P ). I've got some things to take care of next week, but I am officially back 100%, and ready for what's next. Maybe my friends will decide to come around, who knows. And, hopefully I'll get to meet my other friend for the first time, I just hope he's still in town. :D
Wish me luck. I'm off to find the Zquil in hopes that that will calm me down some. Goodnight, folks, I'll be back next week with a more organized update, lol.
8:05p
Things got better this week. After spending half of Wednesday completely depressed and out of it, I got a phone call from Amy, asking if I wanted to have dinner with her. See, God always has ways of doing things. Guess he heard me the night before. So we went and ate dinner, and she took my mind off things, as we discussed summer plans, birthday plans, work, kids, and everything in between, including friends who are acting anything but normal (or grown up in some cases). Seems she's having her own friend troubles. Okay, seriously, is there a full moon, and we just didn't know it?? Why has everyone been acting so weird lately? It baffles me to no end, but at this point, I can't dwell too much on it anymore, as another weekend at work awaits.
Amy and I laughed and talked and I felt 100 times better than I had all day. I went home, and killed the song, "You Lost Me," by Christina Aguilera, and hey, a good friend of mine was there to witness the whole thing! :D I'm driving down the road, phone beside me, with him on speaker. "Hey, guess what I just did!" And then I proceeded to do it all over again. I. Am. Back! I also talked to John, who cheered me up even more. I am lucky to have those guys. Too bad I can't say the same right now for the other two, who have been acting totally weird, and yes, I'm lucky to have them, too, but I just can't deal with their behavior right now. I have nothing to feel guilty for. They know where to find me when the time comes, that is, if they even care. I can't guarantee either one of them will find me in my normally sweet, friendly disposition. I love those two, I really do, but I just don't know what to do right now. One is still not talking to me, and the other...well, he's still quiet. It seems like selfish behavior to me, but you never know what a person is going through.
I fell asleep listening to the Reed Timmer/Sean Casey reunion podcast online, but there were some interesting stories. After talking to John and Jessica for a bit, I went to sleep, cursing the voices in my head all the way.
I woke up to the Twilight Zone this morning. My iPod was sitting next to me in bed, and when I tried to connect to the internet, nothing happened. Okay, I know my laptop is turned off, I should still be able to connect to the Wifi and...uh-oh. I turned on the tv, and nothing happened. I turned my laptop on. No internet. Shit! Fucking Comcast, what the fuck did you do THIS time?? UGH! I had some financial stuff to take care of before leaving the house, too! Fuck! My cell phone's internet was lagging, too! So I got ready and ran some errands, anyway. Turns out a lot of Comcast users were out for a long time today.
I picked up my friend Jessica, and we went to eat for her birthday. I think she had a pretty good time! We chatted about our crazy friends and their behavior, the good ol' days when we used to all hang out and get crazy (and drive each other nuts), and all kinds of stuff. I had a really good time, and I miss hanging out with her. We definitely need to hang out more. :D
I came home, and we had our cable and internet back up. Finally! We called them, and of course they wouldn't say what happened. That's typical. What is the government up to? Makes you wonder.....
I'm so anxious and jumpy right now, I just want to get that first day at work over with (please, no meetings this time, it fucks up my production. :P ). I've got some things to take care of next week, but I am officially back 100%, and ready for what's next. Maybe my friends will decide to come around, who knows. And, hopefully I'll get to meet my other friend for the first time, I just hope he's still in town. :D
Wish me luck. I'm off to find the Zquil in hopes that that will calm me down some. Goodnight, folks, I'll be back next week with a more organized update, lol.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Around and around we go...
Music: "Stay" - Rihanna
12:46a
'He didn't offer any explanation, and what he did offer was very vague. He complained about not having any work to do. What, 60 not enough for you? He gave me the number 20, not enough in his book. He told me he was leaving, taking off, without saying where he was going. I won't be back until Sunday, he said, and I wasn't sure he was even talking to me anymore. With that, he was gone, no further explanation. I cried. I screamed like it was the worst scenario in the world. I wanted to go after him, but someone was holding my arms, holding me back. I couldn't see anything past the tears....'
My heart hurts. Silly as that sounds, my heart hurts. Last week, one of my friends basically said some hurtful things to myself and my other girlfriend, just because the two of us were sick, and therefore, unable to meet up during her vacation. Instead of being my usual hot-headed-over-reacting self, I played the mature road, telling her to basically grow up and get over it. People get sick, and plans get cancelled, shit happens. It sounded like there was more to the story than what she was letting on, making me think that there were other factors involved than just three friends being unable to meet up. I basically told her to not drag the two of us in whatever was going on in her life, to not sink down to another friend's level, who shall remain nameless (oh, what the Hell...Alaina). I haven't heard from her since. I figure she'll get over it eventually, and she'll know where to find me. I've been there for her when she's needed me, I've proven I'm trustworthy, and for what? I have no time for people (adults) to act like children who don't get their way. I told her just that, that I won't deal with it. She'll come around...hopefully.
Another of my friends is being too quiet for his own good, which is not totally out of character, but strange just the same. It's not like him, and maybe that dream was trying to tell me something, because this happened last week. Then he does something to totally piss me off, and just when I'm ready to write him off and say 'I won't do this anymore,' not to mention give him the bitching out he knows is coming one day, God decides to toy with me (He's not letting me get away easy), and bam, he's right in front of me. 'Come to the dark side, I have cookies!' I've learned ignorance doesn't work, because it's hard to ignore him. He doesn't let you. I get pulled back in, until the next time. It's a never ending cycle. I just wonder why the silence.
I've been sick these past few weeks, and you can't really have a life when you're weighted down with illness left and right. I am FINALLY feeling better, although I haven't heard my natural voice in about two weeks. Now back to your regularly scheduled program.....I am unsure what is going on in my friends' lives, and naturally, (I'm a stupid Libra), I want to find out/help, etc. Why the silence? Why the anger? I'm not in any way taking any of this personally, I just miss my friends, and their behavior is so not like them. People I call my best friends, and I'm not even sure they return the favor anymore. One is too angry to care right now, and I'm not sure the other has ever cared. It's a shame, too, to be like that. Life is too short, and let me tell you something, if you have someone in your life who loves you and makes you feel appreciated, DON'T TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED. I am that person, and it's people like me that get shoved under the rug. Something happens to me, guess what, you're both FUCKED. I understand, people go through things, that's life. You get involved in things/projects, that's life. But don't let the people who care about you just slip away. Maybe someone reading this will realize just how important your friends/family really are. Maybe my friends will come around, and things will go back to normal. Or, they'll just let whatever issue is bugging them eat them alive, and when they need help, help won't be there. Just throwing that out there. If you are in my life, you're there for a reason, don't fuck it up.
I'm getting this off my chest, I don't care who reads it, and I am not afraid of the consequences. I am too old to care, and tired of getting run over and pushed aside. So I'll continue on with my life, until my friends come around.
Until then, my heart hurts.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Die cold, die.
Music: Super 8 and Tab, "Black is the New Yellow"
11:39a
I'm back.
*crickets*
Anyway.....I finally made it to Wednesday! Today, I am officially free of the chains that were a step 2 at work. Now, I am down to just one occurrence, which expires next month. I can breathe a little easier now. Well, we'll see how well that works out. Now I feel I can truly begin and see just where this job takes me. Take that, you stupid unloading job! I still hate being under that pressure, but now, I won't freak as much, just as long as at least one of my percentages is good. Friday will mark 6 months that I've been a hauler. With this cold still kicking my ass, I haven't had much time to think about my options. I am leaning towards just coasting for a little while, enjoy the perks of driving a machine all over dogde for a little while, and enjoy the freedom of not being under the 6-month probation. As much as I hate the stress of production, I really don't know how I'd handle being at a desk now. I'm sure I'd do well, but not being able to travel around, I'd think that would make the days go by slower. Being a driver, the days fly by, as you're so focused on the task at hand. I have my hours timed perfectly now; I only look at the clock on the screen to mark off an hour's worth of production. Now, if I can work on focusing on going to the right isles without getting numbers backwards (I'll end up in isle B7, when I should have turned on B5, etc), then I'll be okay. I know I keep saying I need to start paying better attention, but then when it's actually time to go, my attention span gets shot to hell. Stupid distractions! At any rate, I made it this far, I can't wait to see where it goes from here....
At the same time, I finally get my new toy today (if UPS doesn't fuck up). I bought me an iPod Touch, and I've been foaming at the mouth for a week waiting for it to get here. I get to play with it and set it up, just in time to go back to work! Mostly I bought it for the apps, as I can play games for free, and of course listen to music (I already have a playlist set up for when it gets here), and mostly to keep up with technology. I can message my friends unlimited for free with a facebook messenger app. If a stuffy nose doesn't keep me up all night, playing with the iPod definitely will. I just wish this cold would go away, so I can resume my normal life. *sigh*
I'm off to go hunt down UPS.
11:39a
I'm back.
*crickets*
Anyway.....I finally made it to Wednesday! Today, I am officially free of the chains that were a step 2 at work. Now, I am down to just one occurrence, which expires next month. I can breathe a little easier now. Well, we'll see how well that works out. Now I feel I can truly begin and see just where this job takes me. Take that, you stupid unloading job! I still hate being under that pressure, but now, I won't freak as much, just as long as at least one of my percentages is good. Friday will mark 6 months that I've been a hauler. With this cold still kicking my ass, I haven't had much time to think about my options. I am leaning towards just coasting for a little while, enjoy the perks of driving a machine all over dogde for a little while, and enjoy the freedom of not being under the 6-month probation. As much as I hate the stress of production, I really don't know how I'd handle being at a desk now. I'm sure I'd do well, but not being able to travel around, I'd think that would make the days go by slower. Being a driver, the days fly by, as you're so focused on the task at hand. I have my hours timed perfectly now; I only look at the clock on the screen to mark off an hour's worth of production. Now, if I can work on focusing on going to the right isles without getting numbers backwards (I'll end up in isle B7, when I should have turned on B5, etc), then I'll be okay. I know I keep saying I need to start paying better attention, but then when it's actually time to go, my attention span gets shot to hell. Stupid distractions! At any rate, I made it this far, I can't wait to see where it goes from here....
At the same time, I finally get my new toy today (if UPS doesn't fuck up). I bought me an iPod Touch, and I've been foaming at the mouth for a week waiting for it to get here. I get to play with it and set it up, just in time to go back to work! Mostly I bought it for the apps, as I can play games for free, and of course listen to music (I already have a playlist set up for when it gets here), and mostly to keep up with technology. I can message my friends unlimited for free with a facebook messenger app. If a stuffy nose doesn't keep me up all night, playing with the iPod definitely will. I just wish this cold would go away, so I can resume my normal life. *sigh*
I'm off to go hunt down UPS.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Ugh.
Music: Group Therapy episode #17
5:30p
What a week it's been. I thought I had kicked this illness, but this weekend it decided to get its revenge, leaving me miserable not to mention exhausted.
Thursday, I came down with an infection as a side effect of the medication I was on for the strep throat, which freaked me out, as that was the first time I'd encountered such a thing. I started medication for that, and so far, it's improving. I talked with some friends, and got some much needed advice (thanks, Dr. Heather), and felt much better. Another friend made me feel better, without even knowing they did it. I swear, if it's not one thing, it's another, and this weekend would prove that.
Friday, we did another 60 trucks. Folks from 2nd shift were with us for overtime, and the freight was great. I spent much of the day on D dock, on the shipping side. Production was out of control. I got a good machine that morning, and after getting a fresh battery, maintenance came and traded me machines, so mine could get its oil changed. I hated the machine I got: it steered terrible, and in order to get it to go, you had to wait for it to click. About two hours later, the guy found me in the middle of D dock, and traded me back machines. I could have kissed him. I started hauling back and forth between D receiving/shipping, and things were going great. That is, until I picked up two more pallets and hit the isles. Each pallet had a different location, so I started to pull in to drop off the first one. I pulled up to the side, and cranked the handle back to stop...and nothing happened. Remembering what happened the last time, I immediately pulled the emergency stop...right before I hit a pallet in the isle. What the hell?
I lowered the forks, and tried to reverse. Nothing. Oh, this is SO not happening! I tried to raise the forks. Nothing. I could go forward, but not far, as that pallet was blocking me. I turned the machine off, then on again. Okay, now I'm pissed; I am now stranded in the dead middle of the isles between shipping and receiving, and this machine ain't goin' nowhere. So I walked the long walk out of the isles and up to the desk. I called my manager, and his golf cart was down, so he was unable to come pick me up. Great. So back down the isles I went, turned off the computer on my now dead machine, and grabbed my box of stuff, and walked a very long walk to the C dock desk. I kicked the machine for good measure, not like it hurt it or anything *rolls eyes*
So now I'm not making production, and I need a home. Of course, they could have sent me to my home. I grabbed my manager and we decided to see if we could find me another machine, if the golf cart could get us there. I hopped in the cart, box in tow, and my manager joked that I looked like a homeless person with my box of stuff. We buzzed maintenance and let them know what happened, and I gave them my machine number, and location of the isle it was in. They tried to put me in a trailer, but everyone was already doubled up, as it was the middle of the day. The cart was about to die (we were getting outrun by a bicycle of all things), so I got dropped off back at the C dock desk, unable to find a free machine. I heard a lady say two girls needed help on D shipping putting poles on tier racks, so I walked all the way down there, just to find that all the poles were in place, but they needed a hauler ASAP, as they were now blocked in. I got on the phone, and screamed over the intercom. No one came. The unloaders asked me how come I wasn't hauling, and I explained. Crazy part is, all the tier racks were going just on the other side of the firewall of D/C dock. Easy hauls!! Easy production!!
So finally, a hauler from my shift came, and pulled in to grab two tiers. The unloader asked him if he was coming back. He mumbled something unintelligible, and took off with the first load. Yay....wait a minute....He proceeded to move four rows down, and drop the load off. What. The. HELL. Okay, now we're kinda defeating the purpose, don't you think? He then comes back, grabs two more, and dumps them in the same place. THEN, he hops over to the next door, and grabs two pallets, and goes straight across to the isles. Our mouths dropped. It was time for our last break of the day, so seeing as the unloaders didn't need any help, I walked up front and took my break. After, I ran by the office and talked to my manager about our frustration with the hauler. He just shook his head, but said he'd talk to him. So I still needed something to do, so I went and did a live unload with one of the girls on my shift. It took us about 15 minutes to pull out 10 pallets of freight. Nothing to it. She went back to her other trailer she'd been working on, and I went back up to the desk. Hey, this is fun...I'm getting paid a shitload of money to walk around.
I decided to sweep the dock for about 30 minutes, until my manager said I could go home, unless I could find another PE. He then broke off mid-sentence, and disappeared. The hell? Do I go home? Do I find another PE, knowing full well I wasn't going to find one (thanks to the overtime people, plus those newbies training on them)? I decided to walk all the way down to the RSR area to see what was there, if anything. I walked slowly, taking my time. I wasn't really looking forward to getting back on the machine, as production was already shot for the day, shame, too, as it had been a great day for it up until that point. I walked halfway down until I could see the open area where the RR's/PE's get parked, and there was absolutely nothing there, except for a couple of unmanned RR's. So back to the desk I went, and the clerk sent me home, as I just couldn't stand at the desk all day. It was 5:30 at this point, so I was happy to get out early for once.
Saturday, I got my wish, and had the responsibility of C dock. Every hauler wishes for C dock, as production is usually always a breeze. But halfway through the day, my sore throat came back. I thought for sure that the strep I'd had two weeks before was rearing its ugly head again. I was mad; and had no medicine to take for it, only the few cough drops I'd packed in my bag after getting sick. I felt it getting worse, and really just wanted to go home. Since I started work a little earlier that morning (5 instead of 5:30), I left at 6, thanks to my manager. I came home, took some allergy medicine, and went to bed.
Yesterday was not fun at all. When I woke up, I felt like I'd been twice run over. My throat was still sore. I had promised myself I'd go to work, and not call in (as that worked real well the first time *sarcasm*), and get through one more day. I got to work and downed a bottle of orange juice, and that made me feel a little better. I was assigned A and B dock, and that usually means a rough day for production, depending on the type of freight, not to mention location. B dock was super easy; all the freight was going to that same dock. A dock was a different story; about a million tier racks....all going to the very opposite end of D dock. Fuck. This is really bad for production. It all came down to hauling those tier racks. I had no strategy for how I was going to haul them, and still bring up my numbers; I was fucked. That is, until I ran into one of the veteran haulers, Earl. He told me how to work the hauls (called 'long hauls') in with my normal hauls, and bring up my numbers at the same time. I tried it, and it seemed to work. I'll know next weekend when I get my report. I was still super stressed out, but knew that those docks were my responsibility, and they eventually had to go sometime, might as well do it and get it over with.
I was physically going downhill; my throat was now swollen, and I was knocking back cough drops left and right. My head hurt, I had chills, and I was at the point of exhaustion. I wanted to go home, but knew I just had a few hours left...I had to make it. I did eventually clear A dock (with the help of Sonia), and breathed a huge sigh of relief that that part was now over. I cleared B dock by myself at the end of the night, and when I looked at my paper, I was well over 250 hauls. Somehow, I made the numbers, but I was exhausted. After dropping off one last lone pallet, my manager released us. It was 7, and never was I happier to get out of that place. After a quick run to walmart to pick up Breaking Dawn, I headed home and collapsed. But I couldn't sleep; I kept waking up during the night.
So now, I'm at home, trying to recover, and hopefully kick this crap once and for all. I want to go outside so bad, to see friends, and just get away from the house. So for now, until I get better, I'm just going to relax and rest, play my new Nintendo, and wait for my newest toy to get here. I can't wait!
*sigh* Trouble just seems to like finding me, or maybe I'm just a bad luck magnet? At any rate, you just have to laugh at the end of the day. Until next time, have a good week, I'll be back soon.
5:30p
What a week it's been. I thought I had kicked this illness, but this weekend it decided to get its revenge, leaving me miserable not to mention exhausted.
Thursday, I came down with an infection as a side effect of the medication I was on for the strep throat, which freaked me out, as that was the first time I'd encountered such a thing. I started medication for that, and so far, it's improving. I talked with some friends, and got some much needed advice (thanks, Dr. Heather), and felt much better. Another friend made me feel better, without even knowing they did it. I swear, if it's not one thing, it's another, and this weekend would prove that.
Friday, we did another 60 trucks. Folks from 2nd shift were with us for overtime, and the freight was great. I spent much of the day on D dock, on the shipping side. Production was out of control. I got a good machine that morning, and after getting a fresh battery, maintenance came and traded me machines, so mine could get its oil changed. I hated the machine I got: it steered terrible, and in order to get it to go, you had to wait for it to click. About two hours later, the guy found me in the middle of D dock, and traded me back machines. I could have kissed him. I started hauling back and forth between D receiving/shipping, and things were going great. That is, until I picked up two more pallets and hit the isles. Each pallet had a different location, so I started to pull in to drop off the first one. I pulled up to the side, and cranked the handle back to stop...and nothing happened. Remembering what happened the last time, I immediately pulled the emergency stop...right before I hit a pallet in the isle. What the hell?
I lowered the forks, and tried to reverse. Nothing. Oh, this is SO not happening! I tried to raise the forks. Nothing. I could go forward, but not far, as that pallet was blocking me. I turned the machine off, then on again. Okay, now I'm pissed; I am now stranded in the dead middle of the isles between shipping and receiving, and this machine ain't goin' nowhere. So I walked the long walk out of the isles and up to the desk. I called my manager, and his golf cart was down, so he was unable to come pick me up. Great. So back down the isles I went, turned off the computer on my now dead machine, and grabbed my box of stuff, and walked a very long walk to the C dock desk. I kicked the machine for good measure, not like it hurt it or anything *rolls eyes*
So now I'm not making production, and I need a home. Of course, they could have sent me to my home. I grabbed my manager and we decided to see if we could find me another machine, if the golf cart could get us there. I hopped in the cart, box in tow, and my manager joked that I looked like a homeless person with my box of stuff. We buzzed maintenance and let them know what happened, and I gave them my machine number, and location of the isle it was in. They tried to put me in a trailer, but everyone was already doubled up, as it was the middle of the day. The cart was about to die (we were getting outrun by a bicycle of all things), so I got dropped off back at the C dock desk, unable to find a free machine. I heard a lady say two girls needed help on D shipping putting poles on tier racks, so I walked all the way down there, just to find that all the poles were in place, but they needed a hauler ASAP, as they were now blocked in. I got on the phone, and screamed over the intercom. No one came. The unloaders asked me how come I wasn't hauling, and I explained. Crazy part is, all the tier racks were going just on the other side of the firewall of D/C dock. Easy hauls!! Easy production!!
So finally, a hauler from my shift came, and pulled in to grab two tiers. The unloader asked him if he was coming back. He mumbled something unintelligible, and took off with the first load. Yay....wait a minute....He proceeded to move four rows down, and drop the load off. What. The. HELL. Okay, now we're kinda defeating the purpose, don't you think? He then comes back, grabs two more, and dumps them in the same place. THEN, he hops over to the next door, and grabs two pallets, and goes straight across to the isles. Our mouths dropped. It was time for our last break of the day, so seeing as the unloaders didn't need any help, I walked up front and took my break. After, I ran by the office and talked to my manager about our frustration with the hauler. He just shook his head, but said he'd talk to him. So I still needed something to do, so I went and did a live unload with one of the girls on my shift. It took us about 15 minutes to pull out 10 pallets of freight. Nothing to it. She went back to her other trailer she'd been working on, and I went back up to the desk. Hey, this is fun...I'm getting paid a shitload of money to walk around.
I decided to sweep the dock for about 30 minutes, until my manager said I could go home, unless I could find another PE. He then broke off mid-sentence, and disappeared. The hell? Do I go home? Do I find another PE, knowing full well I wasn't going to find one (thanks to the overtime people, plus those newbies training on them)? I decided to walk all the way down to the RSR area to see what was there, if anything. I walked slowly, taking my time. I wasn't really looking forward to getting back on the machine, as production was already shot for the day, shame, too, as it had been a great day for it up until that point. I walked halfway down until I could see the open area where the RR's/PE's get parked, and there was absolutely nothing there, except for a couple of unmanned RR's. So back to the desk I went, and the clerk sent me home, as I just couldn't stand at the desk all day. It was 5:30 at this point, so I was happy to get out early for once.
Saturday, I got my wish, and had the responsibility of C dock. Every hauler wishes for C dock, as production is usually always a breeze. But halfway through the day, my sore throat came back. I thought for sure that the strep I'd had two weeks before was rearing its ugly head again. I was mad; and had no medicine to take for it, only the few cough drops I'd packed in my bag after getting sick. I felt it getting worse, and really just wanted to go home. Since I started work a little earlier that morning (5 instead of 5:30), I left at 6, thanks to my manager. I came home, took some allergy medicine, and went to bed.
Yesterday was not fun at all. When I woke up, I felt like I'd been twice run over. My throat was still sore. I had promised myself I'd go to work, and not call in (as that worked real well the first time *sarcasm*), and get through one more day. I got to work and downed a bottle of orange juice, and that made me feel a little better. I was assigned A and B dock, and that usually means a rough day for production, depending on the type of freight, not to mention location. B dock was super easy; all the freight was going to that same dock. A dock was a different story; about a million tier racks....all going to the very opposite end of D dock. Fuck. This is really bad for production. It all came down to hauling those tier racks. I had no strategy for how I was going to haul them, and still bring up my numbers; I was fucked. That is, until I ran into one of the veteran haulers, Earl. He told me how to work the hauls (called 'long hauls') in with my normal hauls, and bring up my numbers at the same time. I tried it, and it seemed to work. I'll know next weekend when I get my report. I was still super stressed out, but knew that those docks were my responsibility, and they eventually had to go sometime, might as well do it and get it over with.
I was physically going downhill; my throat was now swollen, and I was knocking back cough drops left and right. My head hurt, I had chills, and I was at the point of exhaustion. I wanted to go home, but knew I just had a few hours left...I had to make it. I did eventually clear A dock (with the help of Sonia), and breathed a huge sigh of relief that that part was now over. I cleared B dock by myself at the end of the night, and when I looked at my paper, I was well over 250 hauls. Somehow, I made the numbers, but I was exhausted. After dropping off one last lone pallet, my manager released us. It was 7, and never was I happier to get out of that place. After a quick run to walmart to pick up Breaking Dawn, I headed home and collapsed. But I couldn't sleep; I kept waking up during the night.
So now, I'm at home, trying to recover, and hopefully kick this crap once and for all. I want to go outside so bad, to see friends, and just get away from the house. So for now, until I get better, I'm just going to relax and rest, play my new Nintendo, and wait for my newest toy to get here. I can't wait!
*sigh* Trouble just seems to like finding me, or maybe I'm just a bad luck magnet? At any rate, you just have to laugh at the end of the day. Until next time, have a good week, I'll be back soon.
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