The end of the beginning.

Music: "Losing Grip" -Avril Lavigne
6pm

I would absolutely love to, one day, drive out to the park in Baytown that overlooks the Hartman bridge, watch a sunset as beautiful as the one I am witnessing at the moment, and just type away on my laptop, and let the ideas flow. In all honesty, like everyone else, I need the alone time every once in a while. Granted, I'm not the type that likes to be alone; I like being around company, around the people who I know will not let me make stupid mistakes. People to keep me grounded and remind me why I am here in the first place. 

I hate this time change. I can't stand that the days are now going to get shorter, meaning that my 4-day weekend just became more like a 2-day weekend. What worries me even more is that I am back to that strange sleep pattern again, something I haven't had an issue with since September. Maybe it's the time change, maybe I really do have a lot on my mind again, and just refuse to face it. I've had strange dreams, and the theme keeps repeating itself. I've had drinking tendencies, and my diet is severely suffering. I have got to figure out what I am going to do, and time is ticking down. I remember my own words from when I was back unloading trucks (which seems like a lifetime ago now, a dream), and that's that I refuse to go down without a fight. I went back very early this morning, after waking up from yet another strange dream, and re-read the blog I posted back in September, after getting the job I had shed tears, blood, and sweat for. I STILL cannot get through it without getting emotional over what I had to endure to get to where I am at now. The emotions hit like a mack truck all over again. And yet, I am still struggling. I have seen both sides now, and I have a gut feeling that I am ready to move beyond it, and see what the world has to offer. And, my gut feelings are usually right.

I'm not sure what the coming weeks and months will bring. I *will* be following the example of those that have stepped beyond their comfort zone, who have taken a stand and said "No more." Maybe this will be my time, I was so sure DC would be it, but now realize it wasn't, and I am okay with that. This has to be my time to finally step beyond this world that I have known for 7 years, and find a place where I can really put my skills to good use. To start my life...finally, to take that deep breath and say "It's time. I can do this. I *will* do this." God has a plan for me, and I believe I finally see it taking shape.

I pray for His guidance these next few weeks and months. I ask for my friends' support and understanding. I ask for the belief in myself, as that will triumph over all, and anything that is thrown my way. 

God bless.