Where's the 'pause' button?

Music: random shit on YouTube
12:05a

Dear clock/time/whatever...can you please stop moving so damn fast? It's already October 3rd for crying out loud, and I feel like time is passing way too fast for comfort! My birthday is in 9 days, I'll be another year older, and starting next week, I'll be on overtime at work! I didn't say I was ready for everything to hit so fast, so soon! But here I am, I made it to October, after a year of hammering into my head that this was where I wanted to be a year from now, working the crazy hours my friends told me about, making some big time money. And now, it's about to become reality. The next 8 weeks are going to be interesting, and I'm sure very, very tiring. I've gotten used to the four days off during the week, I'm not ready to let that go, nor am I ready to not have time to hang with friends. Or sleep. Or relax. And I haven't been doing the last two for a week and a half now...my energy was at an all-time low, I felt completely drained. At night when I *finally* crawled into bed after taking an unwanted 4-hour nap each night, I'd wake up every so often, sometimes from weird dreams, sometimes for no reason at all.

Last night was strange. When I finally dragged my ass into bed at 3am this morning, I kept waking up. I would hear the trains blowing by. Next time, I heard the kids running to catch the bus. At this point, I thought about getting up and just forgetting about sleep altogether, as it was 6:30 now, but I was out again before I could really consider it. And that's when I had the dream that really disturbed me, and I woke up, sweating and trying to catch my breath. By then, it was 8am, and I all but gave up, and finally got up. It wasn't a nightmare by any means, just one of those that are created just to confuse the hell out of you and make you wonder about people. I lay there, thinking about what deeper meaning it could have had. And then, today was total deja-vu, and that dream kept creeping back into my memory. It's one I won't soon forget, but I'd really like my peaceful sleep back before the shit hits the fan. I may just go insane from lack of good sleep. 

I spent a good deal last night on the internet (after yet another unwanted 4-hour crash) researching what possible link anxiety could have on all of this, and the signs are (well, *were*, now) all there, and I know I have a touch of it running through my veins right now, plus there were other factors in all of this (Dear Mother Nature: Fuck. You.), and I've never been so completely wiped before. I took another iron pill this morning (as I've been doing off and on this week, trying to peg the problem), and this is the first time in nearly two weeks where it's 12:30am, and I'm not asleep. Now maybe I can get back on a regular schedule...

All that aside, it's been a very lazy, but good week. I'm not ready to see it go, but I have a job to do, and the madness won't last forever, and I'll go on to the next thing..whatever that may be. I'm getting excited about my birthday, even though I have to work, and I'm getting excited to see the benefits of working long hours, even though I know I will be exhausted. 

Things are amping up......