I knew it couldn't be *this* easy.

No music.
9:14a

So I just came back from the dentist. I went in for the two-week follow up, only to wish I never had. Not only am I tired, sore and have a headache, but I am also frustrated and angry. Very angry. I just don't understand anymore. So here is what I learned:

My teeth are so misaligned, that it is hard for me to clean them properly, therefore, instead of the 'normal-people-go-in-for-a-six-month-cleaning', I now have to go in every *three* months to prevent the buildup that is now causing all these problems. 

I have such a violent gag reflex, that the very last tooth in the back needs a crown before I have to have a root canal done on it. It's not going to be a fun process, but I am going to have that one done first to get it out of the way. I have two more cavities that need to be filled in the back, it won't be as bad, but it still will be painful. 

He wants me to go ahead and have the two wisdom teeth on my left side taken out. The one at the bottom is too impacted for them to clean what is back there. So now I have to go through all that all over again. Not to mention that's *another* medical bill I have to pay. I had the two on my right side taken out back in 2010. I took a week off of work. I now have to see about calling up the guy who did the last ones up again and see what I will have to pay on my part. But the left ones now need to go. 

I can still get my teeth straightened, and my part isn't as bad as I thought, but it's still another medical bill. I just can't believe what all I now have to go through to get to that part. I feel like I just got my heart ripped out of my chest. I still have the nearly 2 grand doctor's bill to straighten out from when I was sick two months ago. I don't know where I'm going to get all of this money. All of a sudden, I can see everything being snatched out of my hands; the car, the apartment, and everything to come with it. Just another thing to put this off. And why should it be that easy? Why can't I just live a normal 30-year old life like everyone else? What did I do to deserve all these bad things to happen to me? I've never had a normal life like everyone else. I'm almost 30, I still live at home, I have no husband/kids/family. Not saying that's a bad thing, I just don't know why when everyone else is off being happy, I am stuck behind worrying about this stupid stuff that I wish I could just end. And I would...if I wasn't so afraid of going to Hell. I was stupid to think that everything would change and I'd finally get everything I'd ever wanted. This isn't fair. This isn't fair to me. Yes, I'm thankful for things....*material* things. Things I don't really care about anymore. They're just things. What I *really* want, I may never get. I still have my friends and family, which means more to me than any material thing in this world. And who knows, maybe I'm jumping the gun just a little, and maybe this can all be figured out. I'm not ready for the pain and suffering I now have to go through. I just don't know how I'm going to get through it. I'd much rather go back to the hell I went through when I unloaded trucks. And that's saying something. At least...at least *that* wouldn't cost me out the ass, and *that* wouldn't be nearly as physically painful. 

I am off to go contemplate my next move...if you are reading this and I know you personally, I need your support now more than ever. It's the only thing that will get me through this.