Spirit of Fire

Music: "Sirens of the Sea" - Above and Beyond-The Acoustic Album
6:40p

Let me start off by saying happy 2015. I was planning on summing up 2014 in a post, but just never made it that far. The end of 2014 was awesome; I spent my first New Year's with my boyfriend. We spent the day and night with the roommates, popping fireworks and playing beer pong. I think it was somewhere around 5am when everyone called it a night. Was very cold, but we all had a blast. 

Things have gotten off to a weird start this year. First off, I made no goals for myself for this year. I decided that doing so would just put me in a position where I'd be let down one way or another, like in years past. So with that being said, I'm just taking everything one day at a time. I know what I want, and I know what I'm willing to do to get it. 

Aside from drama in my personal life (we won't get into that), things at work have more or less improved. I finally got my license to drive one of the biggest machines in the warehouse (only took me a year and a half, and lots of complaining to get it). Really don't see how those guys run around with that thing all day in the aisles, but that's just me. They're still fun to drive (and do donuts on the docks), and just adds to my resume. There are still lots of changes going on. I've decided that QA no longer is the best option for me. So I have made the decision to go back to hauling. It's not an easy decision I just jumped to-so many months I was going back and forth between 'yes, I want to go back,' and 'no, I don't think it's best.' I got the last nail hammered into my coffin, so to speak. Yes, I know the state of my hands and wrists isn't the best, and I'm taking a serious risk by going back, but I'm willing to put that all on the line to get what I want. Only time will tell, but this is something I feel I have to do. 

This past weekend wasn't so bad. We got a new boss who seems to know his way around, and while he does run a tight shift, there are seemingly more advantages to working with him. I spent the entire weekend meandering between the Flow dock and B shipping, all while trading/stealing RR's, and getting more of a feel for them now that I'm free of my trainer. I left Sunday night at an early time, and for the first time, had a smile on my face that it was over for the week. I didn't feel tired; I felt energized. I grabbed a bite to eat and headed home, slowly, thanks to the fog. Once home, I curled up to watch a movie and fell asleep, but it didn't last long; the thermostat somehow got bumped up to 75, and was way too hot to sleep. I figured since I was up, might check facebook since I hadn't touched it since Friday. I wish I had looked sooner....

My heart is broken and I'm saddened to say that my dear friend, Arnitta ('Miss Arnie' as I called her), lost her long battle with lung cancer on Saturday. I was devastated. I had known her way back when I first started with Walmart; she was my primary hair stylist for a long time. She became a great friend to me. Her big, warm hugs, and her personality alone were what would always brighten my day. I loved our talks. She always talked about her son, who had passed away a long time ago. I knew she loved and missed him. I was sad when I found out she had cancer, but you'd never know, thanks to her spirit and warm smile. She never made a big deal of it or complained. Miss Arnie was a joy to get to know, and I'm grateful our paths crossed. 

I sat up for about an hour, just reading all the posts on Arnie's page, from friends and family. I couldn't stop crying. This woman touched so many lives, and was known and loved by many. I couldn't sleep that night. Instead, I jumped on Wartune, and started aimlessly wandering the different maps, looking for monsters to kill. My friend, Foxy, noticed I was up late for a Sunday. I explained what happened, and she expressed her sympathies. She helped me comb the wilds in between my crying fits. We even took down a couple of monsters. John got home somewhere around 1:30, and between his running on fumes from working so much, and my emotional state, we got into it on the game over hunting parties. I got mad and logged off, but not before letting John know what happened, and why I was so upset. He called me immediately, apologizing, and asking who had passed. He said talking about it might help, and that just made me cry more. I told him she'd be asking me why I'm crying so much! I decided I'd try to sleep; it was around 2am, and I'd been up nearly 24 hours. I didn't think I'd fall asleep...

I swear to God I heard the Tetris theme song in my dream. God seems to know when I need people, always at just the right time. Things are funny like that. Because when I woke up, and no, it wasn't a dream, damn song was really playing. It was my phone, and on the other side was James. Dammit son go back to bed...and, oh look, it's 9am. Everything came rushing back from the night before, and somewhere, in the haze I was in, was James' voice, telling me to get ready. Monday morning, after a 3-day work week, I found this out last night, was up til 2am, and you want me to do what? I was completely out of it and couldn't remember how to function, much less form a coherent sentence, and the whole time I'm thinking of how much I just want to roll over and go back to sleep,  and God only knows how I must have sounded to him, when it finally hits me that there must be a reason, that you can always Kill James Later, then go back to sleep! The whole time he's relentless and is trying to get me to wake up, he may as well have been in my room, jumping on my bed! I wanted to laugh at the whole thing, but my brain would not make the connection. I told him at least can I get a shower, before he let me go, warning me to not go back to sleep. I considered that for a brief moment. Okay, so it was longer than that, and it would have been so easy to just close my eyes again....God I love my friends. :) 

I was up and in the shower, thinking about the night before, not really sure what to do or where to go. I told James about what happened. I didn't feel much like myself; I felt numb. Empty. Not sure what to say. It was nice to fall back into that easy routine, to take my mind off things for a bit. I said I love my friends and God knows it. I wasn't sure how to tell James thank you. Still not sure on that one, but maybe it was just one of those unspoken things, that God knew I needed someone to lift my spirits, and delivered in a way that only He knows how. 

Coming home, I holed myself up in my room, back on Wartune, combing the maps once again, still grieving. I didn't open my window, or turn on the TV. Around 2, I curled up in bed and turned on Mtv's Catfish in the background. I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I stayed where I was. I felt drained. Eventually, I got up and cooked dinner, and that made me feel a bit better. After talking to some friends on Wartune and killing some more monsters, I curled back up in bed, and fell asleep again. Somewhere in all this, John called me. It was around 10:30. I must have been completely out, because I could barely form a sentence. Hearing his voice made me feel more at ease. I remember he told me it was cold. Don't remember much else. I knew after his call I'd sleep better. I did; I pretty much slept myself out, and when I woke up this morning, I felt much better. I know Arnie isn't hurting anymore, and she's with her son finally. I'll always remember her for her spirit, her fire. So, today, when I jumped on Wartune, I named my Fire Sylph (pet) 'Arnie' after Miss Arnie, for her courageous spirit, and warm heart. Her bravery will always inspire me. May her soul rest in peace. 

To my family and friends, I love you all. If I never say it enough, I'll keep saying it. I love you all, God bless.